A rear view mirror with a Pearl Jam logo and Eddie Vedder dashboard hula dancer
Flannel that comes with a steaming mug of hazelnut coffee, a stack of pancakes and a fake Ryan Fitzpatrick beard with a few hairs from Ryan Fitzpatrick's actual beard nestled in there like whiskers in a hay stack
Bobble head alarm clock
Flip flops that can't make up their mind
Hay Z Boy: Recliner made of dried grass
Dishwasher that gives you advice on important life decisions and is also really good at cleaning those pesky crusty flakes of cheese from your grandma's mac and cheese recipe off your favorite fine China that you received as a gift for your 21st birthday, ironically from your grandmother except it was the other grandma so maybe it's not that ironic, I don't know I would still consider it ironic, what do you think? Call 1-800-AMERICAN-IDOL now!
Interstellar blanket: Space blanket with a picture of Matthew McConaughey grimacing but in a chill way
Shark Year: A year full of shark shows, 24/7, especially The Meg, it gets shown every day at 8 am and 8 pm
Buy Chris's books SPONGE CAKE & WHAT'S IN THE FRIDGE? on Amazon
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