Saturday, October 13, 2018

College Football Haikus

Northwestern - NE
June Squibb kickoff, black and white
Best game nominee

Warren Buffett’s fav
Eating an Egg McMuffin 
Mow the yard later 

Buffet of Buffett
Drives used Toyota Camry
It needs a tune up

I don’t get the thing
When rich people act not rich
Who are they tricking

Trick or treat, yuppie
Are these gold coins real money
Hundred Million Bar

What’s the benefit
Of wearing cargo shorts when
You own cargo ships 

Florida - Vandy
Nate Bargatze sweating it
A sauna grudge match

A Big Ten tussle
College kids of the corn meet
Tom Arnold tailgate 

Gophers at Buckeyes
Redemption of Club Trillion
A fam reunion

Hill Junior, a butte 
One handed in the horseshoe 
Head, Shoulders above 

Akron, Buffalo
Vergara say Buffalo
Gruden’s Mack regret 

OK State, K State
Ageless dude vs 40 guy
Time Traveler’s Coach

Pitt, Fighting Irish
Dameshek can hardly watch 
NFL prep work

Eugene football squall
What can Browning do for you
Huskies would eat Ducks

Ben Burr-Kirven is
Bill’s football playing nephew
Yells at the coaches 

The big number Ducks
For the elderly viewers 
Card deck for seniors

Baylor at Longhorns
McConaughey commercial
Bongos on sideline

UCF, Memphis
King of rock and roll watching
From Heaven’s toilet

Klay Thompson’s Rocco 
Dia de los Death Valley 
Words every five yards

Temple at Navy 
Huxtables go on a cruise
Bill’s invitation lost 

Army, San Jose
Bill Murray in this movie?
80s reference 

Happy Valley game
Sounds like a made up city
Skeptical of name 

Drew Brees an alum 
Boilermaker forever
Fun bumper sticker 

Vandals and Bobcats
Truly odd combination
Spray paint mountain cats

Pirates will pillage
Where is East Carolina? 
Friday Night Lights team 

Roll Tide, have a day
Is it even a question?
Saban - still be mad

Missouri helmets
Lookin sleek, futuristic 
Lone good thing today

The U vs the Nerds
Monticello with the fam 
30 for 30 

It’s Tar Heel football 
Y’all busy playing pick up 
MJ watchin’, weird 

WV Mountaineers 
Seems like a fun party school 
Til wake up, coonskin

Storm the field students
Cyclone of Sweet Caroline
The Real Field of Dreams

UCLA bae
Golden Bears not so golden
Low hanging textbook

Michigan has pride
Maybe a little too much 
Like we get it guys 

Harbaugh in a tree
Eating water cereal
Paint balling pantless 

Harbaugh kinda move
Bringing casserole to church
Someone else’s church

Harbaugh kinda move
Drinking Red Bull before bed
Flying to recruits

Harbaugh kinda move
Rent a classic VHS
Never return it

Harbaugh kinda move
Make a mixtape for the gym
Mostly 80s tunes

Harbaugh kinda move
Stop by the grocery store
X’s, O’s aisle six

Harbaugh kinda move
Wear tube socks in the shower
Tube socks in the grave

Harbaugh kinda move
Still has a prepaid flip phone 
Play Snake in Uber

Harbaugh kinda move
Ordered an Uberpool 
Show up with floaties 

Harbaugh kinda move 
Call NPR telethon 
Give them pump up speech

Harbaugh kinda move
Rescue adorable pup 
Literally, fire

Harbaugh kinda move
Order a drink for whole bar
Do a shot of grease

Harbaugh kinda move
Mow the lawn in shants and Crocs
Get Crocs sponsorship 

Harbaugh kinda move
Text Tom Brady at halftime 
Order Uggs online

Harbaugh kinda move
Stop at a lemonade stand
Hand out scholarship 

Harbaugh kinda move
Wear khakis on Halloween
And all other days

Harbaugh kinda move
Go shopping at Foot Locker
Chew out employees 

Harbaugh kinda move
Forget you’re wearing glasses 
Live whole life happy

The festive Big House
Egotistical title
But it’s pretty big 

Hawaii, Mormons
Battle of lifestyles, surfs up
Biking with neckties

Potato sized hail
In the forecast for Reno’s
Biggest little team

Cowboys to Fresno
A McConaughey feature 
Minus the Fresno

Trojan horse will ride
Vacated Heismans and souls 
Sisyphus is squashed 

BC - Louisville
Gary Gulman agony
Snacking in green room 

Toledo Rockets
Remember Timbuktu 
Erie memory

Welcome to Fansville
Ice cold Dr Pepper here!
Where did Larry go

Welcome to Fansville
Largest stadium ever
Grocery store there 

Welcome to Fansville 
Mascot parade everyday
Class in the morning

Welcome to Fansville 
Hot diner conversation 
Busser got heated

I don’t want Buster
Thanks for the offer, iPhone 
No Douglas, Posey

Welcome to Fansville
Where all your dreams can come true
Football-related 

Welcome to Fansville
Home, Sport Management majors 
Fantasy GMs

Welcome to Fansville 
Doctor Pepper down the street
Prescription: More bratwurst 

Welcome to Fansville 
Walk-ons are celebrated
Average Joe’s U

Welcome to Fansville
We really love our soda
Can’t be good for you 

Welcome to Fansville 
Do you remember the score?
Who cares, we had fun

Welcome to Fansville 
Keg stands in the parking lot
Pavement, what a band

Welcome to Fansville 
Musburger caught in a Webb
Wahlburgers collab 

Welcome to Fansville 
Pregame scrimmage vs rivals 
Ford Focus on wins

Welcome to Fansville 
Everything you do comes back 
To your love of sport

Welcome to Fansville 
Do you know the statistics
Of all the players 

Welcome to Fansville 
Home to the great Lee Corso
We’re sick of him too 

Welcome to Fansville 
Domino’s, every corner
Smoothest streets in town 

Raking up some leaves
Autumn is finally here
Someone tell groundhogs

It’s the Allstate Bus
Shady dealings happening
Gecko assassins 

Recall Ed TV
Bizarre movie, Truman-esque 
Ellen didn’t dance

I enjoyed the film
It was so weird and awkward
iPhone films, more plans 

It really seemed like
McConaughey had never
Witnessed a movie 

Funny name for one
Movie, TV in the name
Now that’s confusing 

Ketchup Reverend
Best super hero all time
Heinz marriage license 
Buy Chris's books SPONGE CAKE & WHAT'S IN THE FRIDGE? on Amazon 

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