Monday, July 22, 2019

Wikipedia Page✏️

     Christopher Sean Arneson (April 24, 1993) is an American author, podcaster, actor and stand up comedian. Arneson is from Bothell, Washington and graduated from Bothell High School in 2011 and Washington State University in 2015 and 2018. Chris wrote for The Daily Evergreen, the student-run newspaper at WSU, from September 2016 to June 2017 as a columnist and sports reporter. While writing for the Evergreen, Arneson self-published his first book, Sponge Cake: A Mostly Made Up Story About A Completely Insane Town, an adventure novel set in New England. He published his second book, What’s In The Fridge, a compilation of short stories, poetry and lists, in July, 2018.
     Arneson’s first venture in creativity was his blog, thegoat1.blogspot.com, which he began in August, 2016. He kicked off his movie-based podcast, A Star Is Born, in February, 2019. Arneson moved to Los Angeles in June, 2019 after years of bouncing back and forth across Washington. He began stand up comedy the same week he moved to L.A. and background acting a couple weeks later. Chris’s mom and dad, Kellie and Scott, moved to Spokane, Washington in 2019 with the family cat, Kitty and his brother Nick, 29, and sister Katie, 24, live and work in Seattle.
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Friday, July 12, 2019

Vegas Haikus🎰

Lights flash as dreams break
Money not well spent, hindsight
Overpriced strippers 

The Vegas Locals
Don’t look them in the eyeball 
Raunchy Truman Show

The Vegas Locals
Unbearable desert sprawl
Sold their soul to sin

Driving to Vegas
Treacherous landscape, lizards
Pray to the Car Gods

The Vegas Locals
Half the day spent in A/C
Other in shambles

The Vegas Locals
I don’t trust you, sir or ma’am
Foggy intentions

The Vegas Locals
 A facade of a city
Built by delinquents

The Vegas Locals
Shrouded in controversy
The sun got to them

The Vegas Locals
Blurred visions of past lifetimes
In more mild climates

The Vegas Locals
Made some bad choices, no doubt 
That was just Tuesday

The Vegas Locals
You really have to be sick
No offense, I guess

The Vegas Locals
Horrid desert scum of Earth
That one was too far
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Saturday, July 6, 2019

Fourth of Julaikus🧨

Babe you a firework
Katy Perry knows the score
Songs for the people

Let’s call em “No Thumbs”
Like Green Thumbs but dumber
Cruel, which can be fun

Independence Day
Fun lil Will Smith vehicle
Drove a UFO

The game: Blow things up
The rules: No balloons allowed
The winner: Pyros

Welcome to the 4th
The Vegas of holidays
Pointless and scary

Vegas Holiday
Kill a stripper, on the lamb
Don’t miss the buffet 

Vegas Holiday
Lose your pants in a bet, sad
Truth/Dare, told the cops

Vegas Holiday
Order room service, forget
Punch a horse, legal

Vegas Holiday
Best 48 hours ever
Minus your money

Vegas Holiday 
Run into your long lost Dad
Can’t find the strip club

What if twas the Third
U.S., Tom Cruise joint birthday
Coin Flip, No Country

Light beer drinkers
Thousand mile stares, YouTube dreams
Every day the 4th

They’re puzzle Haikus
Solve riddles, win nothing
Tell no one, move on

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It’s about movies and life
No board game, Sorry

Midsommar Haikus🍄

Midsommar Madness
Like March but with more torture
A. Guantanamo Day B. Vitale’s not THAT bad C. Bust your bracket, face D. All of the above

Cults are frightening 
They take your clothes, dignity 
Plant crops, forced green thumbs

Scary old people 
Leaving us all astonished
Let’s call Betty White

Amish millennials
You wanna build a snowman?
Made of frozen tears

Open mind, wallet
Tithing Much Information
Your cash IS good here

Don’t be yourself, risk
Personal freedom threatened
A. Sandals are required B. Instagram is banned C. Less screen time is nice D. None of the above

Hive mind to the max
Everyone is a queen too
Bohem Craftsody 

A cultish dinner
Every meal let us gather
Awkward eye contact

Pass the bread, butter
Make a toast to that tree there
Enjoy your toast too

Cults can trick ya good
Kill you with kindness and drugs
They got all the drugs

Druggy, hippy cult
Bloody Oath Mary, she’s nice
So many stories

Bloody Oath Mary 
Don’t look her in the eyes or
One microwaved soul

Bloody Oath Mary
Kills people for sport, but worse
There’s a roto league 

Bloody Oath Mary
She loves that Game of Thrones Show
Biopics are fun

Public nudity
All over the to-do-list 
A. Days start to go by B. Between sweep and jog C. Bear Grylls, weird leader D. Some of the above (Identify which ones)

Who is gonna cook?
No McDonald’s on this farm?
Gruel with raisins, drugs

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Wednesday, July 3, 2019

Haikus🦉

Two ships in the night
Pass by each other, waving
Company welcomed

Lighthouses of hope
Scatter dull rocky seaboard
Well-traveled terrain

What is in a word
Spiritual luggage, packed tight
Carry-on wisdom

The owl says, “Haikuuuuu”
The forest bustles about
A rhetorical life

“Do you write?” She asks
“Yes, but not enough” He says
Oxyidiot 


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Thursday, June 20, 2019

A Totally Honest Review of Ma

     The unlikely sequel to the lovable rom com Mother’s Day, Ma leaves the audience crying out for a significant female parental figure to save them from this psychological web of distortion manifested by a slightly turnt Octavia Spencer. A modern-day love letter to social media, the film reminds us yet again that it’s always FaceTime-o’clock somewhere. The gaggle of ne’er-do-well juvenile delinquents listlessly drifts into a predictable pattern of MAyhem as the ghost of Snapchat haunts them at every swipe. There are so many Red Solo Cups in this flick that they should start calling them Red Party Cups (why don’t they do that anyway - who drinks a Red Solo Cup alone unless they are filming a Wrangler’s commercial in the rolling, luscious green meadows Bret Favre’s palatial estate, camping with their giant dogs or playing darts in their man cave with a picture of their high school football coach as a target because they still haven’t forgiven Coach Carter (same name as the Samuel L. Jackson movie but it’s just a coincidence) for pulling them out of the starting lineup in the state championship game for Mullens, who would go on to throw three interceptions and make a complete doofus of himself in the process because that’s what Mullens does, that’s what Mullens has always done, ever since the fifth grade when he guessed that there were 69 jelly beans in the giant jelly bean jar at the school end-of-the-year annual jamboree when there were clearly at least twice as much, but that’s Mullens for ya, always going the extra mile for the chuckle, miming mashed potatoes to Lunchlady Patty being one of his go-to bits when he was in a crunch and in need of a quick guffaw, make it to-go.) (Also, you could buy Red Party Cups at the Red Party Store, which is what they call The Party Store in states that vote Republican.) Don’t see Ma if you have a light heart when it comes to cyber bullying or heart-related injuries but if you like that kind of stuff (I’m talking about the first thing), that’s disgusting - stop putting down Ex Machina. I give this one three and a half stars out of five (as in three and a half ninja stars to protect yourself from that lady who is crazy like a cat.) Ma is a fun moving picture but maybe not the best one to take YOUR Ma to...especially if she thinks Lifetime films can be too violent or carries a tiny dog in her purse or hands out hard candy to underprivileged, disease-ridden bastards.
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Monday, June 17, 2019

A Totally Honest Review of John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum

A film noir-infused Grand Theft Auto-leaning, Wes Anderson-inspired, jolly ol’ romp of a moving picture (literally, it’s a non-stop action-packed thing.) Keanu Reeves is great as he renews his role as the guy in the office who everyone is a little afraid of. Dogs are an ongoing theme of the series as a handful of particularly inspired camps of PETA have inaugurated a shantytown on the front lawn of the highly paranoid Jonathan Hwick, a mild-mannered senior pharmacist from Fergus Falls, Minnesota who enjoys taxidermy, going for walks with his litter-picking-up stick and his eleven-year-old Cocker Spaniel, Daniel, and reading European travel magazines by his stone fireplace with a generously-poured tumbler of a rotating selection of red wines from the region as Daniel sprawls out on his favorite rug and adorably kicks whilst dreaming of playing fetch in a meadow.
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