An air of calmness casually transmogrified into calamity and eventually rounded the final turn of Churchill Downs, miniature clods of dirt being sent airborne by miniature men wrestling leverage from giant steeds with Indiana Jones's weapon of choice as they equinely achieve equanimity (a pursuit of equanimity through a pursuit of equine prowess, if you will...Pursuit of Equanimity is my favorite Weird Al cover of a Kid Cudi song of all time...My favorite part is when he is like, "Take a nap, little nap/Roll over, check your phone/Feelin' chill, feelin' zen/Three p.m., spring afternoon, I don't care/Hand on the pillow/Dreaming dazed I'm doing my thang/Rolling on my other side now/Gettin' my sleep, havin' my dreams/People told me wake up/I'm screaming out aghhhhhhhhhhh *stretch*/Ima doze just when I want/Eyes closed on my back/If I hit the snooze button if I miss work/Know I got an amazing nap/If I hit the snooze button if I miss work/Know I napped it and missed some important phone calls that I was waiting for/I'm on the pursuit of equanimity and I know/Everything that's tired ain't always gonna get that beauty sleep/I'll be fine once I get it, get those Zs, I'll be gorgeous". Also, The Pursuit of Equanimity is my favorite inspirational Will Smith film except they spell equanimity wrong so it is actually The Pursuit of Equinimity and Will Smith is on the vanguard of the inner city, oversized jockey movement that has swept across America, leaving dozens of thousands of little people from South America to fend for themselves in the ruffian streets with many teaming up to create tandem rickshaw businesses and others banding together to helm competing Back to the Future III themed cycle saloons and a few intrepid free-minded thinkers becoming the master of a stray pack of Dobermans and coming up with an intricate, fool proof (or full proof if you're nasty or just a goofy) plan to infiltrate the mayor's water supply and fill the reservoir with Tang in a bizarre prank that not even TruTV could figure out where they were trying to go with that but they had hidden cameras on it the whole time because THAT'S WHAT TRUTV DOES, WE AIN'T AFRAID TO GET DOWN AND DIRTY WITH OUR NICE FILMING EQUIPMENT, OUR WHOLE CREW DOES CROSSFIT, BECAUSE WE ARE ON THE CUTTING EDGE OF Y'ALL'S MONOTONOUS, TEDIOUS USA NETWORK LIFESTYLES; YOUR SLOGAN SHOULD BE: CHARACTERS WELCOME, BUT SERIOUSLY THOUGH IF YOU KNOW ANY INTERESTING PEOPLE WHO'S DREAM IT IS TO BE ON TV THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL, WE COULD REALLY USE SOME MORE INTERESTING CHARACTERS AROUND HERE...IT SHOULD SAY, CHARACTERS? WELL......PLEASE COME BE ON OUR CHANNEL! YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT TRUTV ALL DAY AND TWICE ON TOOZDEE), and came flying down the homestretch as it descended into complete and utter fully glass blown chaos in the Lost Falls Carny Barracks. The root of this sea change can be whittled down to two of the most dicey, controversial and crock-pot vegetables, meat and spices mixer-upper words in the English language, perhaps second only to, "Shut up", "You're out" and "Have you seen Breaking Bad?" These two words are words that should only be spoken if the speaker cannot help but say them, like how none of the characters in Harry Potter are allowed to say Voldemort or none of the characters in Parks and Recreation like Jerry or how you aren't supposed to say, "Fire!" in a crowded Amazon store unless you are willing to drop a few Benjamin Buttons (these are hundred dollar bills that will have diminished into Harriet Tubman twenty dollar bills by the time you get around to clearing out all those old episodes of Cribs that you have been meaning to watch on your TiVo...You can't wait to watch the one with Mike Tyson where they show that giant fish tank for his tiger that he had installed in his foyer which had a brief run of glowing success before the magnificent creature's audition for Life of Pi II: The Last Slice came to an abrupt and soggy halt) on a device that is capable with Amazon Fire. Those two words are Connect Four. Countless wars have been started and ended with the declaration of thems fightin' words, too many too even hypothetically tally up. Families have dissolved and sprung up over those brave words. Legacies have been created and reputations have had sand kicked on them all in the name of these two little words. When it comes to connecting, four is the magic number for which the victory ringtone tolls, which is without a doubt, your college's fight song, the theme song to Survivor or the classic T-Mobile jingle.
Buy Chris's books SPONGE CAKE & WHAT'S IN THE FRIDGE? on Amazon
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