A smart looking, attractive British woman with librarian glasses perched on the bridge of her nose looks up from her iPhone, which she is angrily swiping at like a honey badger pawing at its roadkill regular badger prey, each movement packed with a healthy scoop more of frustration than the last. She is holding it down at a fancy bar that probably has a bigger cover fee than an establishment in Disney World (the empty bottles of Grey Goose that doubled as lamps were a nice touch, though, I must admit that Bar Rescue would not have had much to try to improve with that one) which appears to be closed except for a couple of lazy barbacks kicking it in the back of the kitchen, you know just shooting the breeze, playing cards and talking about the latest stand up specials that comedians have dropped on the Netflix network.
"Have you ever deeply desired to step out on a significant other only to find out that you have no idea where in the heck to begin?" The woman says to the camera with a knowing smirk on her beautiful face as her lips curled upward, coated in rosy red lipstick.
The commercial cuts to a man with a cowboy hat in tow and several layers of disgusting dirt located far underneath his fingernails stumbles through the double swinging doors into an old Western bar, like from Back to the Future III or something, and orders a shot of tequila and another one for his imaginary friend who has a drinking problem. Taxidermied woodland creatures encapsulate the bar including a stuffed squirrel in the corner that can also be used as a bottle opener and a grizzly bear that lives in between the vending machines and sings only the Motown blues. All of a sudden, the cowboy man desperately starts trying to get his expensive wedding ring off with an urgency that is typically only seen in most medical professions or on the film set of movies in the Jackass universe or other projects that have been inspired by their authentic daredevil brand. A stunning lady in a bright red cocktail dress and lips glossed in the same shade is making eyes at the cowboy while she stirs her Moscow Mule with a dark chocolate Pirouline wafer and pretends to pay attention to the winter beanied hipster buffoon who is trying to take her back to his micro-home/yurt combo duplex for a rousing night of ironically watching B horror movies from the 80s, going over the outline for his cookbook for college kids that he has been working on since he dropped out of junior college back in '98 and messing around with his calico cat, Ava, with a laser pointer on the wall of the living room but making sure to steer well clear of his collection of Death Cab For Cutie posters of album cover artwork.
Right in the middle of the hipster's sentence (probably about some sort of trend that he was one of the first people to know about), the gorgeous woman in the bright red cocktail dress just flat out stands up and walks out of the bar and straight into the backseat of a Black Escalade Uber while our cowboy friend is left in the dust as we can see him in the backdrop frantically shaking a can of WD-40 as he is still struggling to get that danged golden rock off his finger.
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