Blormus Phillisten IV is a member of the royal family of Transylvania...just kidding, seriously though she is a member of the royal family of Kansas (and all over the Topeka tabloids which sounds like a wretched disease of the small intestine.) Phillisten not only founded both the University of Kansas and Kansas State University (Rock chalk Jayhawk and the other one) but she was also one of the first people in the state to safely steer a hot air balloon from Dodge City to Kansas City (the one in Missouri, even) without having to return to the safety of land to refuel on food or to let off some steam (both metaphorically and metaphysically). Blormus Phillisten IV also created the first MySpace in front of the Wichita City Hall with a pair of tweezers, a dictionary and a handle of some cheap, horrid whiskey that tastes more like shoe polish along with a sprinkling of some good ol’ fashioned grit and wit. Blormus has ghost written a handful of autobiographies. Phillisten IV has been trying to get people to call her Phillis for a number of years, ever since she got tired of having a unique name and also became an avid fan of the TV show The Office.
The first three Blormus Phillistens all passed away in separate freak accidents at different chili cookoffs across the greater southwest Ohio region. One of them was spatula-related while another was a scalding affair, specifically of the mouth and the last was actually a highly controversial poisoning of the victim based on the longheld beef between the Phillisten family and the Winecroft squad that kicked off when Willis Winecroft purchased the Phillisten family home and discovered a wooden chest of hidden treasure in the attic but did not tell the Phillistens and they eventually found out when Nancy Winecroft let the tabby out of the bag at a monthly book club meeting that Marnie Phillisten happened to be guest hosting and serving an extra helping of nosy stew.
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