It started out with a bang.
Well, turns out that Chad "Crazy Like A" Fox's mother is even crazier than the reddish orange omnivorous mammal. It wasn't supposed to go this way...Chad being taken out whilst mobbing on his jet ski by a Bull Shark who was just coming up for some air and ended up getting a whole lot more than it bargained for...you might say that this particular shark's week was one of the worst in the history of the fine Discovery Channel's touchstone for daredevil antics in featured animal entertainment and the like.
Sheila Fox was not messing around, though.
First it was the Gronk level of dosage of Fireball shots, each one capped off by the vicious Florida Gator signature chomp. (You better believe that our good ol friend Sheila has a tattoo of Tim Tebow Tebowing in front of his fourth sold out crowd in a row at Madison Square Garden while Bill Burr eagerly paces back and forth in the greenroom as he waits in the wings to take center stage and the mic.)
Next, Sheila took her talents to the endless Maze of Slip N Slides, over seventeen of the paper thin sheets of plastic laid out in perfect harmony, slicin' and dicin' their way to the most epic aquatic adventure of all time. The Maze started at the top of a giant hill that overlooked the beach and wove its way back down to the sand, each hairpin turn more breathtakingly dangerous than the last, a course that would make even Evel Knievel consider going back to college to pursue a more relaxing lifestyle. Sheila, though...if you call her the Life of the Party you would have to call her son the Afterlife of the Party. She was really just honoring Crazy Like A in the only way she knew how...by reenacting an entire episode of the Real World Road Rules Challenge by wrapping up all the cast members into one Billabong tank top-wearing, Ray Bans bought on sale-hurling into the ocean, sunscreen on the tip of her nose-dabbing crazy, secretly heartbroken poor ol' lady (T.J. Lavin would be so proud that she didn't quit in the middle of the funeral, though...he might even say that she killed it although this might be a touchy subject with her son's recent passing). Everyone grieves in their own way, though, so you gotta let her do her thang; some people who know her a lil too well might even say that it was just Sheila being Sheila (to be fair, her favorite baseball player was always Manny Ramirez and when she saw him go to the bathroom in the Green Monster, she made it her life mission to find that toilet and bring it back to the Panhandle and create a museum based around it and call it the Porta Folly.) While most individuals who lose a loved one may prefer to remember the person in the peace and quiet of their homes with only the closest of friends and family members invited over to collectively pay homage, handfuls of the freshest and Yankee Candle scent-worthiest of flowers scattered across the highly detailed and stunningly breathtaking portrait of the deceased as their favorite classical songs are beamed in through the speakers inside the chandelier by Alexa (who would be on only her best of behaviors in this kind of sorrowful time period and probably playing Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley or a nice melodic ballad by Counting Crows), others would rather reenact an entire Mardi Gras parade in a span of eighty minutes and try to get Harvey Levin to chuckle so out of control that his Mocha Frappuccino starts bubbling through his nose.
What's the worst thing...what is the worst possible thing that you could wish upon a person? For them to be more talented than the average bear and know it all too well but never really gather the initiative or inner strength to go after what they really want? For them to think they are talented but never actually possess a strand of DNA that indicates as much? For them to have a talent buried deep beneath the surface of their being but unfortunately it is too difficult to excavate due to the countless years and years of doubting their abilities, shattered self confidence from past failures when no one told them that failing is just getting one step closer to success and poor self esteem because they never really found a proper outlet for their heart and soul's appetite?
Crazy Like A's is a tale that will stand the test of time - a beautiful spider web, droplets of moisture hanging on by a thread in the silhouette of the moonlight.
The legend of Icarus bro'ing out a lil too hard and flexin' on the Sun with a wee too much swag.
Buy Chris's books SPONGE CAKE & WHAT'S IN THE FRIDGE? on Amazon
Well, turns out that Chad "Crazy Like A" Fox's mother is even crazier than the reddish orange omnivorous mammal. It wasn't supposed to go this way...Chad being taken out whilst mobbing on his jet ski by a Bull Shark who was just coming up for some air and ended up getting a whole lot more than it bargained for...you might say that this particular shark's week was one of the worst in the history of the fine Discovery Channel's touchstone for daredevil antics in featured animal entertainment and the like.
Sheila Fox was not messing around, though.
First it was the Gronk level of dosage of Fireball shots, each one capped off by the vicious Florida Gator signature chomp. (You better believe that our good ol friend Sheila has a tattoo of Tim Tebow Tebowing in front of his fourth sold out crowd in a row at Madison Square Garden while Bill Burr eagerly paces back and forth in the greenroom as he waits in the wings to take center stage and the mic.)
Next, Sheila took her talents to the endless Maze of Slip N Slides, over seventeen of the paper thin sheets of plastic laid out in perfect harmony, slicin' and dicin' their way to the most epic aquatic adventure of all time. The Maze started at the top of a giant hill that overlooked the beach and wove its way back down to the sand, each hairpin turn more breathtakingly dangerous than the last, a course that would make even Evel Knievel consider going back to college to pursue a more relaxing lifestyle. Sheila, though...if you call her the Life of the Party you would have to call her son the Afterlife of the Party. She was really just honoring Crazy Like A in the only way she knew how...by reenacting an entire episode of the Real World Road Rules Challenge by wrapping up all the cast members into one Billabong tank top-wearing, Ray Bans bought on sale-hurling into the ocean, sunscreen on the tip of her nose-dabbing crazy, secretly heartbroken poor ol' lady (T.J. Lavin would be so proud that she didn't quit in the middle of the funeral, though...he might even say that she killed it although this might be a touchy subject with her son's recent passing). Everyone grieves in their own way, though, so you gotta let her do her thang; some people who know her a lil too well might even say that it was just Sheila being Sheila (to be fair, her favorite baseball player was always Manny Ramirez and when she saw him go to the bathroom in the Green Monster, she made it her life mission to find that toilet and bring it back to the Panhandle and create a museum based around it and call it the Porta Folly.) While most individuals who lose a loved one may prefer to remember the person in the peace and quiet of their homes with only the closest of friends and family members invited over to collectively pay homage, handfuls of the freshest and Yankee Candle scent-worthiest of flowers scattered across the highly detailed and stunningly breathtaking portrait of the deceased as their favorite classical songs are beamed in through the speakers inside the chandelier by Alexa (who would be on only her best of behaviors in this kind of sorrowful time period and probably playing Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley or a nice melodic ballad by Counting Crows), others would rather reenact an entire Mardi Gras parade in a span of eighty minutes and try to get Harvey Levin to chuckle so out of control that his Mocha Frappuccino starts bubbling through his nose.
What's the worst thing...what is the worst possible thing that you could wish upon a person? For them to be more talented than the average bear and know it all too well but never really gather the initiative or inner strength to go after what they really want? For them to think they are talented but never actually possess a strand of DNA that indicates as much? For them to have a talent buried deep beneath the surface of their being but unfortunately it is too difficult to excavate due to the countless years and years of doubting their abilities, shattered self confidence from past failures when no one told them that failing is just getting one step closer to success and poor self esteem because they never really found a proper outlet for their heart and soul's appetite?
Crazy Like A's is a tale that will stand the test of time - a beautiful spider web, droplets of moisture hanging on by a thread in the silhouette of the moonlight.
The legend of Icarus bro'ing out a lil too hard and flexin' on the Sun with a wee too much swag.
No comments:
Post a Comment