You stumble outside after a night of heavy drinking, gorging on cheap Mexican food and doing your darndest to complete a competitive Netflixing obstacle course. Tilting your gaze skyward, you all of a sudden feel your face being pelted by an unknown chilly substance - perhaps a chocolate Frosty from Wendy's or a McFlurry? Fast food is on your mind after this rambunctious bender, a well known remedy for such level of hangover and a family tradition passed down by your grandparents. Upon closer inspection by your taste buds, however, you determine the flakes to be of the Rocky Road flavored ice cream variety. You run around the block, nay sprint at a faster speed than you have ever approached, in excitement before falling to your knees to thank the heavens for blessing your humble self with such a bountiful and delicious surprise snack gift. Then you sprint even faster inside your abode to alert your family about the great news and to bring them outside to share in the frozen joy that does not have anything to do with Frozen for once. Your wife doesn't even believe you but your kids can't believe their luck - the fact that they might be able to eat a dessert such as ice cream at an hour such as this, prior to suppertime, is simply an absurd premise that they can't wrap their little brain around yet so they just revel in the whole situation and ride out that sugar high. You all hustle outside, barging through the front door like you didn't just drop $7,700 for an exotic maple tree from the Netherlands to be carved up, flown in and slapped up there by someone else who doesn't know more about The Doors than doors. As you shuffle outside, fancy China bowls and dinner spoons in tow, ready to feast like Thanksgiving in February, you find...blue skies. Your wife raises her arms in victory and begins chanting her name ("Kar-en! Kar-en! Kar-en!"), thrilled that she was right about you being wrong and your kids are purely devastated with a heavy sprinkling of shock that what sounded too good to be true was in fact too good to be true, thus proving the old saying to be useful. As they walk back inside with their heads hanging, spoons clanging in their empty bowls in shame, you shake your fist at the cloudless atmosphere as you curse your wondrous imagination that must have gotten the best of you on that fateful day when your kids later found out that Santa Claus is a made up story too - it was just a really stressful day for everyone, sometimes you gotta chalk it up to an L.
Buy Chris's books SPONGE CAKE & WHAT'S IN THE FRIDGE? on Amazon
Visit Chris's website christheauthor.com 
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