Which Movie Is Matt Damon Better In? Interstellar vs The Martian

Matt Damon pulled off the ultimate space sneak attack when he shoved Matthew McConaughey to his (supposed) abyss in Interstellar so intensely that he was like, "Alright, alright, alright" except in a different tone than he said it with in Dazed and Confused, it was more like, "That's enough", instead of, "I'm The Situations uncle". Matt Damon snuck attack Matthew McConaughey so tough that he accidentally forgot that he had those dogs in the back of his Lincoln Navigator in that commercial when he went into Whole Foods during a Los Angeles heat epidemic and they unfortunately passed away from dehydration. Matt Damon snuck attack Matthew McConaughey so tough that Matthew McConaughey started a competing water based charity called HtwoO.edu (it's under the same umbrella of education as Trump University). Matt Damon snuck attack Matthew McConaughey so tough that they actually fought in real life and the crew had to break them up and they aren't even friends anymore and avoided each other outside of filming except when they were both noshing on shark steaks at the craft services table. Matt Damon snuck attack Matthew McConaughey so tough that the referee threw a flag for unnecessary roughness and he wasn't referring to either of these gentleman's five o clock stubble. Matt Damon snuck attack Matthew McConaughey so tough that they made a Street Fighter character for him. Matt Damon snuck attack Matthew McConaughey so tough that he had to sketch a series of complicated math equations and formulas on the next mirror he saw. Matt Damon snuck attack Matthew McConaughey so tough that he forgot where he came from and began rooting for the Yankees and other New York City sports franchises. Matt Damon snuck attack Matthew McConaughey so tough that he earned his spot in the Guinness Book of World Records for best sneak attacker. Matt Damon snuck attack Matthew McConaughey so tough that a riot broke out on the set of the movie and the boom operators totally crushed everybody. Matt Damon snuck attack Matthew McConaughey so tough that they got stuck on each other like he was Greg Kinnear or something. Matt Damon snuck attack Matthew McConaughey so tough that they are actually making a documentary about it called, "Matt About You". Matt Damon snuck attack Matthew McConaughey so tough that McConaughey began pointing at things with just the tip of his thumb like his character in We Are Marshall and it just drove everyone crazy. Matt Damon snuck attack Matthew McConaughey so tough that they became best friends like how in Step Brothers Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly fight a bunch then become best friends then fight a bunch then become best friends in a vicious cycle that only has one possible ending; one of them passing away of natural causes. Matt Damon snuck attack Matthew McConaughey so tough that no one can ever trust another human being named Matt, not even Matthew McConaughey's mother who is probably a pretty cool lady. Matt Damon snuck attack Matthew McConaughey so tough that they straight up Freaky Friday'd each other so it was actually Matt Damon who you can blame for forgetting about those two sweet pups in the back of his Lincoln Navigator when he was getting tipsy on white wine spritzers at the Whole Foods bar. That's all well and good but Matt Damon was totally better in The Martian though; I mean when else do you get to have three hour Skype sessions with a celebrity? Science for the win! Matt Damon single-handedly brought the level of coolness for the general science community from a pH level of Anthony Michael Hall and Illan Mitchell-Smith (how did these two not appear in a movie directed by Francis Ford Coppola? They still have a chance to work with John Francis Daley, maybe in another Vacation sequel that stars exclusively former child stars from the 80s. Corey Feldman just perked up underneath one of his weird hoodies that looks like something that would be spotted in the Star Wars Cantina or perhaps an item of clothing presented by Demi Lovato in her Fabletics collection) to that Albert Einstein photo, yeah that one that just popped up in your mind. Whoa, did you hear that? That was the sound of Bill Nye chugging a graduated cylinder of Jack Daniels while he watches the periodic table on TV.

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