Has several exotic birds that live in his home
Plays copious amounts of online poker
Knows how to speak nine languages including Pig Latin, Braille and Eye Rolling
Reads comic books
Publishes adult coloring books with themes of all 50 US states (Montana is a moose holding a shotgun and pointing at the camera like Uncle Sam. Maine is a picture of a lobster wearing a Boston Red Sox hat. Florida is a picture of an alligator riding a jet ski while shooting bottle rockets at a family of four on a fishing boat.)
Cleans his glasses several times a day
Does breathing exercises
Sits on a bench and ponders life by a pond
Cross country skiing
Watches curling and practices it in his kitchen as he sweeps
Browses, "Cardigan Tri-Weekly", one of over a dozen magazines he holds a subscription for including, "People Watching Ducks" and "Ducks Watching People"
Checks his Google Trends to see if he is doing better than Rob Lowe
Celebrates his triumph in popularity over Rob Lowe by doing a shot of double espresso and chasing it with whole milk
Believes in the supernatural
Believes he is supernatural
Pitches TV shows to the CW about his supernatural powers like, "Old Man Hipster"
No comments:
Post a Comment