Bertcast Haikus

Man Cave hibernate

He’s addicted to Tito’s 

And taking shirt off 

A man with chickens

Small skeletons in closet

Don’t mess with that dude

Tall building owners 

Give us a call if you want

Roof bungee jumper 

Roller coaster life

Some are bumpy, others smooth

Hope for no vomit 

The Machine opus

Robbing trains, glugging vodka 

A smile on his face

Bert is The Machine

Florida kid, born and raised

Different species

Florida people

No offense but you crazy 

For real, no offense 

Stand your ground Tampa

Everyone is packing heat

De Niro classic 

Welcome to Tampa

Pirate ships and football mix 

Five drink minimum 

Call him Chicken Run

Live action remake with Bert

The friendliest farm

OK Go treadmills

Would love to see Bert remake

While drinking wine 

Wears a sauna suit 

Spinoff Men’s Wearhouse owner

Build sweat equity 

Body Shots World Tour

Non stop party on the bus 
Banned from the green room

His tabs are open

Sharing Google history

Starring in Shameless

Bucket list phenom
Leaping off cliffs, hunting bats
Bertman, not Batman

Bloated stomach, check
Balding hair since twenties, check
Doesn't care, check please

Always secret time
Name of his Netflix special
Spin on the bro code

Mickey Mantle gene

Thinks he can do anything 
Got superhero swag 

Sober Octobert 

Month to cleanse body and mind
Real Day of the Dead

Weight fluctuation

Calorie seismometer

He’s The Machine-ist 

Buy Chris's books SPONGE CAKE & WHAT'S IN THE FRIDGE? on Amazon 

Visit Chris's website christheauthor.com