1. 100 Grand The chocolate bar of champions Actor comp: Jennifer Anniston NBA Team comp: Golden State Warriors Origin story on the wrapper: The 100 Grand recipe was stumbled upon by a German physicist who was attempting to find the cure for a broken heart after realizing he would never be immortalized in a wacky photograph with his tongue out like Albert Einstein also the whole E=MC squared thing was a pretty cool deal, too.
2. Heath The chocolate bar of NFL tight ends Actor comp: Heath Ledger NBA Team comp: Los Angeles Lakers Origin story on the wrapper: The Heath recipe was unearthed after an tireless search by archaeologists adjacent to a Shake Shack on the outskirts of the Incan Empire but they took a few breaks to grab some Shack Burgers, of course, because how could they resist with those smells wafting over all day and tempting their palettes.
3. Milky Way The chocolate bar of choice for four out of five aliens Actor comp: Tom Cruise NBA Team comp: Miami Heat Origin story on the wrapper: The Milky Way recipe was found after being launched into orbit by Elon Musk and his meddling gang of hooligan scientists.
4. Starburst The fruity candy of choice for four out of five jedi knights Actor comp: Jennifer Lawrence NBA Team comp: Oklahoma City Thunder Origin story on the wrapper: The Starburst recipe was uncovered after a series of phone calls made by a local private eye, Richard Right Eye, who is, ironically, not related to Lisa Lefteye Lopes of TLC lore. (Did you know that the L in TLC actually stands for Lisa Lefteye Lopes?)
5. Snickers The chocolate bar of comedians Actor comp: Danny Trejo NBA Team comp: New York Knicks Origin story on the wrapper: The Snickers recipe was chanced upon by a band of train robbers who had to take a break and check out the buffet in the dinner car, only to discover a woven basket full to the brim of peanuts sitting surreptitiously close to a ladle-full of caramel and a spittoon-worth of chocolate syrup.
2. Heath The chocolate bar of NFL tight ends Actor comp: Heath Ledger NBA Team comp: Los Angeles Lakers Origin story on the wrapper: The Heath recipe was unearthed after an tireless search by archaeologists adjacent to a Shake Shack on the outskirts of the Incan Empire but they took a few breaks to grab some Shack Burgers, of course, because how could they resist with those smells wafting over all day and tempting their palettes.
3. Milky Way The chocolate bar of choice for four out of five aliens Actor comp: Tom Cruise NBA Team comp: Miami Heat Origin story on the wrapper: The Milky Way recipe was found after being launched into orbit by Elon Musk and his meddling gang of hooligan scientists.
4. Starburst The fruity candy of choice for four out of five jedi knights Actor comp: Jennifer Lawrence NBA Team comp: Oklahoma City Thunder Origin story on the wrapper: The Starburst recipe was uncovered after a series of phone calls made by a local private eye, Richard Right Eye, who is, ironically, not related to Lisa Lefteye Lopes of TLC lore. (Did you know that the L in TLC actually stands for Lisa Lefteye Lopes?)
5. Snickers The chocolate bar of comedians Actor comp: Danny Trejo NBA Team comp: New York Knicks Origin story on the wrapper: The Snickers recipe was chanced upon by a band of train robbers who had to take a break and check out the buffet in the dinner car, only to discover a woven basket full to the brim of peanuts sitting surreptitiously close to a ladle-full of caramel and a spittoon-worth of chocolate syrup.
6. Hot Tamales The cinnamon candy of senior citizens and mariachi band members Actor comp: Isla Fisher NBA Team comp: Miami Heat Origin story on the wrapper: The Hot Tamales recipe was uncovered by a Portland veterinarian on their fourth jog of the day in those toe-webbed shoes when they were running in place at a stop light and noticed it graffiti'd on a yield sign on the far side of the intersection.
7. Skittles The fruity snack of NFL running backs Actor comp: Kristen Bell NBA Team comp: Los Angeles Clippers Origin story on the wrapper: The Skittles recipe was tracked down by a runaway horse in a remake of Back to the Future III directed by Quentin Tarantino, completely decked out in spurs and everything the whole time because he's a method director.
8. Baby Ruth The chocolate bar of Ruth Baby Ginsburg Actor comp: Mila Kunis NBA Team comp: Phoenix Suns Origin story on the wrapper: The Baby Ruth recipe was brought to light when hot dogs were banned from Major League baseball locker rooms in 1930 in a highly controversial decision handed down by Kenesaw Mountain Landis in between hiking the length of the Appalachian trail, taking down wild buffalo with a bow and arrow just outside of Yellowstone Park and deep sea spear fishing for blue marlin in Ibiza. (Weird Al should do a parody of Mike Posner's, "I Took A Pill In Ibiza" and call it "I Straight Up Spear Fished A Blue Marlin In Ibiza". Instead of, "To show Avicii I was cool", it would be, "To show Bear Grylls I was cool.")
9. Kit Kat The chocolate bar of people with a friend or the patience to save half a meal til after supper Actor comp: Kat Dennings NBA Team comp: Philadelphia 76ers Origin story on the wrapper: The Kit Kat recipe was revealed after Gordon Ramsay cursed out a dude in a Willy Wonka getup on Hollywood Boulevard and the dude just handed him a folded up note card, threw a handful of cayenne pepper in the air and disappeared, making the TV chef question if his imagination had spilled over into the real world.
10. Smarties The candy of Lil Pump fans Actor comp: Matt Damon (specifically his character from Good Will Hunting) NBA Team comp: Boston Celtics Origin story on the wrapper: The Smarties recipe was exposed when 60 Minutes did a special that was directed by the Executive Producer's elementary school-aged children. The second half of the episode was primarily dedicated to a drifter who was locked into an eight day hunger strike to bring the Netflix binging epidemic in America to a screeching standstill, only to snap said streak when a malevolent mischief maker recognized their chance to shine in the poor sport spotlight and dropped a palm-full of birdseed in the lost soul's agape mouth after they cartwheeled into a deep, hunger-induced stupor. The valiant effort at a hunger strike made no more than a minor dinger in the Netflix binging epidemic in America as several million foolhardy Fresh Prince fans would go on to Netflix and Chill that night and for the rest of the nights.
7. Skittles The fruity snack of NFL running backs Actor comp: Kristen Bell NBA Team comp: Los Angeles Clippers Origin story on the wrapper: The Skittles recipe was tracked down by a runaway horse in a remake of Back to the Future III directed by Quentin Tarantino, completely decked out in spurs and everything the whole time because he's a method director.
8. Baby Ruth The chocolate bar of Ruth Baby Ginsburg Actor comp: Mila Kunis NBA Team comp: Phoenix Suns Origin story on the wrapper: The Baby Ruth recipe was brought to light when hot dogs were banned from Major League baseball locker rooms in 1930 in a highly controversial decision handed down by Kenesaw Mountain Landis in between hiking the length of the Appalachian trail, taking down wild buffalo with a bow and arrow just outside of Yellowstone Park and deep sea spear fishing for blue marlin in Ibiza. (Weird Al should do a parody of Mike Posner's, "I Took A Pill In Ibiza" and call it "I Straight Up Spear Fished A Blue Marlin In Ibiza". Instead of, "To show Avicii I was cool", it would be, "To show Bear Grylls I was cool.")
9. Kit Kat The chocolate bar of people with a friend or the patience to save half a meal til after supper Actor comp: Kat Dennings NBA Team comp: Philadelphia 76ers Origin story on the wrapper: The Kit Kat recipe was revealed after Gordon Ramsay cursed out a dude in a Willy Wonka getup on Hollywood Boulevard and the dude just handed him a folded up note card, threw a handful of cayenne pepper in the air and disappeared, making the TV chef question if his imagination had spilled over into the real world.
10. Smarties The candy of Lil Pump fans Actor comp: Matt Damon (specifically his character from Good Will Hunting) NBA Team comp: Boston Celtics Origin story on the wrapper: The Smarties recipe was exposed when 60 Minutes did a special that was directed by the Executive Producer's elementary school-aged children. The second half of the episode was primarily dedicated to a drifter who was locked into an eight day hunger strike to bring the Netflix binging epidemic in America to a screeching standstill, only to snap said streak when a malevolent mischief maker recognized their chance to shine in the poor sport spotlight and dropped a palm-full of birdseed in the lost soul's agape mouth after they cartwheeled into a deep, hunger-induced stupor. The valiant effort at a hunger strike made no more than a minor dinger in the Netflix binging epidemic in America as several million foolhardy Fresh Prince fans would go on to Netflix and Chill that night and for the rest of the nights.
784. Candy Corn The candy of the Field of Dreams concession stand Actor comp: Kevin Costner NBA Team comp: Minnesota Timberwolves Origin story on the wrapper: The Candy Corn recipe was happened upon when a farmer from Iowa tried to eat a husk of corn from his field and had the brilliant idea of creating something that has nothing to do with it but bears its name.
Buy Chris's books SPONGE CAKE & WHAT'S IN THE FRIDGE? on Amazon
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