Wednesday, August 1, 2018

The Real Mission Impossible - Fallout

     Tom Cruise can't find his favorite pair of Oakley sunglasses. He has looked everywhere for them; the Batmobile, the Whole Foods bar that he frequents, his fleet of sensory deprivation tanks, the skydiving wardrobe...everywhere. Tom Cruise can't find his favorite pair of Oakley sunglasses for the life of him and it is really starting to tick him off. So he calls his therapist and they chat for about an hour while he drives around in a golf cart shooting up villages of prairie dogs with a BB gun.
     When Tom Cruise returns to his pimped out man cave, he notices one of his favorite movies, Top Gun, is playing on the projector screen next to the exotic fish tank containing a Saltwater Crocodile that he personally wrestled into captivity in a rain forest outside of Kuala Lumpur. Tom Cruise forgets about his favorite pair of Oakley sunglasses and loses himself in the momentum of the film, swept away in the zip trek adventure that is life.
     After the movie he finds his favorite pair of Oakley sunglasses in the exact same place he left them; underneath his personal caricature where the exaggerated part of the drawing is his courage except it isn't actually that exaggerated because he's Mav and he survives when Goose honks (my bad, I forgot to give a spoiler alert for the 32 year old movie but if you haven't seen Top Gun you should probably just hang up your movie watching cleats).
     Mav treats restaurants like Costco; everyone's plate is a free sample. Mav taught Goose how to play the piano on a lark. Why isn't Mav the mascot of the Dallas Mavericks? Someone Walkie-talkie Mark Cuban pronto and get him up to speed and I'm not talking about the greatest movie featuring a bus of all time. That would be great though if you asked someone to get you up to speed on something and they just went off on explaining the premise of the Bullock/Reeves vehicle. (See what I did there? You're welcome.) When Mav gets a haircut, he says, "Give me a Mav."
   

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