Bubbles pt. 1

            Bubbles was lonely at first. Then he felt a cold sting send shockwaves through every limb in his body. Then just pure numbness. A desolate feeling, stuck in a vast desert without an oasis.

            It had been nearly three months since he was handed a lifetime ban by the Clown Association of America. Bubbles was embroiled in a highly controversial situation that was the talk of the clown community for weeks. He was emceeing a child’s eighth birthday party at “Pinsiders”, a bowling alley in the Underson community when the incident took place.

            Billy, the birthday boy, was about to send a bowling ball cascading down the lane, rattling back and forth from bumper to bumper when Bubbles made a grave mistake. A blunder so serious he would rue the day he decided to go to Clown A&M to pursue his passion.

Bubbles was an outstanding student and prolific athlete for the Lapel Flowers. He exceeded in the art of placing a Whoopee Cushion, painstakingly plotting his attacks through a series of pins on a massive map in the common room of his dormitory. He was also famous for having arguably the largest pencil in the nation, hotly debated by Dingus, a local luminary from Jester Tech. Bubbles was also voted Class Clown by his peers and teachers, the most coveted award in the clowning academic community.

Back to the incident. Billy was about to pour a bowling ball out of his hand when Bubbles made the gravest mistake of his career. As he walked up the miniature staircase leading to his complimentary chicken wings, Bubbles slipped and set off a chaotic chain of events. Part of the problem may have been that he was not used to wearing regular-sized shoes and Pinsiders did not have any clown-sized bowling shoes in stock. Another part may have been that he had one too many bottles of seltzer. Regardless (or is it irregardless?) Bubbles’ feet slithered across the hardwood as he sent the bucket of chicken wings tumbling. And that was just the beginning.

What followed is known in clown circles as having John F. Kennedy assassination proportions. An event so traumatic that every parent in the alley scrubbed the eyes of their children until they were raw and red. So traumatic that the guy playing on the crane machine dropped the Larry the Octopus toy. So traumatic that a grown man was brought to tears.

As the honey-glazed chicken wings were sent propelling through the atmosphere, Bubbles saw his clown career flash before his cherry-painted brow. He saw back to his days spent as a rodeo clown where he was thoughtlessly tossed into a bucket to be mauled by bulls. He saw glimpses of his stint in the circus where he was known for making illustrious balloon dinosaurs. He saw the few years he worked as the mascot for the Richmond Flying Squirrels where he was nothing more than a man dressed as a clown in a giant, furry squirrel costume. One time the Flying Squirrels CEO paid him $100 to see if he could soar through the air like the animal. Bubbles braced himself before launching off the dugout roof, a UFO to ants but merely a man dressed as a clown in a giant, furry squirrel costume somehow miraculously flying to humans.

The chicken wings flew through the air as thoughts flew through Bubbles’ mind. Had he made the right choices in life? Was he really meant to be a clown or did this world have other plans for him? Did he ever have a choice or was this his destiny all along? Do we have free will or is everything that will ever happen already written? Did he lock his car?