10. Mr. Furious (Mystery Men) - Stiller leads a cast of misfit superheroes in this easily forgotten bizarro Suicide Squad '90s flick.
9. David Starsky (Starsky & Hutch) - Stiller plays Starsky to Owen Wilson's Hutch in this microwaved Hollywood leftover. Really, Hollywood? You couldn't come up with a different buddy cop movie idea that hadn't already been burnt? Shame on you, Hollywood. For shame.
8. Roger Greenberg (Greenberg) - Stiller is the main cog of this low key hipster love song. Check it out if you want to know how to meekly socialize with the opposite sex at a casual mixer while dressed like your favorite '80s movie star (Marty McFly, duh).
7. Walter Mitty (The Secret Life of Walter Mitty) - Watching this movie is like spelunking into a R.E.I. catalog while listening to Dave Matthews, wearing horn-rimmed glasses without lenses, and drinking a kale and chocolate chip mocha. Also, you have an ironic greyhound dog (it's wearing a bus driver uniform).
6. Chas Tenenbaum (The Royal Tenenbaums) - Red track suited, freshly jheri curled, with a face full of mania, Stiller is a ball of fury in this ensemble comedy.
5. Greg Focker (Meet the Parents, Meet the Fockers, Little Fockers) - A joke about a man being a nurse stretched into a trilogy of pain. Jinxy cat, the Jalen Rose of celebrity felines, inspired a generation of namesakes.
4. Larry Daley (Night at the Museum, Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb) - This movie is a metaphor for life. Sleepwalk through the days and everything seems dull, half dead. Use your imagination and the night will light up your world. This is the series to check out if you want to see milk come out of Genghis Khan's nose because he's laughing so hard.
3. Tugg Speedman (Tropic Thunder) - Stiller goes boldly where no man has ever dared in this hilarious romp. Huge explosions, lost TiVos, dancing T-Cruise, coked out Jack Black, Robert Downey Sammy Davis Jr... This movie's got it all.
2. Derek Zoolander (Zoolander, Zoolander 2) - Star of the eponymous franchise, Derek Zoolander is eerily clairvoyant of the Kardashianized country we have built. Zoolander would certainly be insta-famous if the app had existed in 2001. His life is one long Snapchat story.
1. White Goodman (Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story) - Hands down the most quotable, lovable, hateable, polarizing, de-Polar (cap) Icing character of all time. Globo Gym emperor, rival of the despised Average Joe's, will not rest until he is done with this set of calf raises. Yeah, that's right he's been doing calf raises this whole time, you didn't notice? White Goodman's calves look like they are trying to escape his body and move to Phoenix to retire. Then, when the left calf is very old and sick, lying on her deathbed, a single tear will drop from her calf face. And she will look at right calf, waiting patiently by her side, and ask if this was everything he had ever hoped for. And the right calf will playfully razz her, saying that he never had a choice but to be with her. And when she shuts her calf eyes for the final time, he will look out into the great beyond and below to the heavens. Why her, why not him first? Why does it have to be this way? What did he do to deserve all that has happened to him in this life? What is it that we are searching, he asks nobody. Then he hops home, calf face trained on the ground, calf eyes still misty. He thinks about the time left calf got hit right in the face by an errant soccer ball. He chuckles to himself. Left calf may be gone, but her memories will always be with him. He carries that in his calf pocket like a lucky charm. Some people look at a glass of water and say it half full. He says it's calf full.
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