What is your favorite CD or album?
Pinkerton by Weezer is up there - it reminds me of going for a walk with a Cocker Spaniel to a cidery that is hidden in the woods of New Hampshire and playing fetch with the dog but unfortunately for Baker (you named the dog Baker is this scenario) you lose their favorite tennis ball in the base of an enormous tree stump that has probably been featured on a show on the Travel Channel. When you go looking for the tennis ball, you run into an extended family of chipmunks and other various woodland creatures who try to explain to you why you shouldn't throw tennis balls in the woods (well you see, it turns out that tennis balls are kind of like flying felt meteors for them which is why the Williams sisters practice on a hard court instead of on a bed of pine needles.) The chipmunks are pretty cool, though, and one of them tries to tell you about this idea for a movie that he has but you are to distracted by the fact that you are talking to a talking chipmunk named Alvin to get in on the ground floor (or should I say get in on the dirt ground) of his big picture idea...El Scorcho is a pretty fun jam, though.
Is there one of the arts that you do not understand? Which one?
I don't get Tae Kwon Do - how do you chop those bricks in half? Simply an amazing feat of the strength of a human's character. I also don't like the idea of hitting stuff with your forehead - I'm like the opposite of The Situation when he went HAM on that brick wall in Italy like it just tried to rip him off with a rotten slice of four cheese pizza or something in the cuisine corner...the Cuisine Corner would be a good name for a YouTube cooking show starring The Situation where he samples a slice of pizza with a new pizza topping each week until eventually he is putting cottage cheese on pizza which actually sounds delicious and is most likely already a thing that restaurants do, probably one of the food trucks in the Portland Fleet of Food Trucks or the PFFT if your mouth is full of cottage cheese pizza.
Do you use coupons?
Yes but not if it is something that I wouldn't already buy...saving money is always smart and something that Ned Flanders would probably tell you to do (you are Homer in this situation but let's just be totally honest here...you are Homer in most situations - bet ya didn't think that you would get roasted when you started reading this blog post! Well, boom roasted.) but you shouldn't buy something useless just because it's a good deal unless you are Hank Scorpio in which case you should just go ahead and get two of the item. Don't be one of those people who collects coupons and never uses them though so you just have composition notebooks stuffed full of cards good for free small Humongo Shakes from Burger Town that expired in the middle of the Carter administration back before Burger Town was wolfed down by McDonald's after the whole controversy with their fry machine being on performance enhancing drugs, effectively (do you remember when Sammy Sosa got busted for corking his bat (by the way, did he think that his bat would never break? Bats break, Louisville Sluggers aren't sticks of Kryptonite no matter how much Sammy would have liked to believe that he was Super Man (he seems like a big comic book nerd), so Sosa was playing a dangerous game of Russian Roulette (more like Rally Roulette) and Vegas won this round...but anyway, Burger Town corked their fry machine and it almost blew up the whole restaurant this one time, so there's that. They had a great marketing slogan though, I think it went a little something like this, "This town IS big enough for the two of us and all y'all are invited to come on down, as well!") which is highly illegal and against all the very strict rules and regulations of the highly controversial FFA (the Fast Food Association). The best thing about the FFA is the employee cafeteria, though, could you imagine having all the fast food places within t shirt canon blasting range? It could be Taco Tuesday at The Bell (Taco Bell), Thirsty Thursday at J Squared (Jamba Juice) or Frosty Friday at Wendy Thomas's (Wendy's) but one thing is for gosh DANG certain...every day is darn near Christmas in the FFA employee cafeteria so get your job applications in now, Godspeed my friends, Godspeed. *a single tear rolls down my cheek as I salute a cardboard cut out of Colonel Sanders*
Buy Chris's books SPONGE CAKE & WHAT'S IN THE FRIDGE? on Amazon
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