Going on a Boat

Going on a boat is like being in a travel magazine that you would find on an airplane. Going on a boat is like being in Kim Kardashian's daydreams. Going on a boat is being a dolphin jockey in the Kentucky Derby of the sea. Going on a boat is like bowing down at the alter of your David Hasselhoff ofrenda. Going on a boat is like playing Fortnite except that you are actually in Fortnite. Going on a boat is like comparing the new Incredibles movie to the first Incredibles movie. Going on a boat is like reading the entire internet in an afternoon then digesting it over a hearty supper. Going on a boat is like living a day in the life of a Rihanna song. Going on a boat is like eating too much cottage cheese but still enjoying more cottage cheese in the near future because you really enjoy cottage cheese. Going on a boat is like watching too much Jersey Shore then slowly transforming into a Guido or Guidette before the woke eyes of the universe. Going on a boat is like getting a temporary tattoo and having a long, detailed explanation about the reasons as to why you got the tattoo that you tell people all the time to make it seem like a permanent tattoo then you have a good laugh about it later while watching American Chopper and drinking light beer with your pit bull. Going on a boat is like watching all the Harry Potter movies in a row and celebrating your accomplishment by watching all the Lord of the Rings movies in a row. Going on a boat is like building your own hot tub and putting a flat screen TV on the side of it with Bluetooth capabilities. Going on a boat is like being in a comedic rap song. Going on a boat is like going back to school. Going on a boat is like skipping class to go on a boat. Going on a boat is like wearing a North Face to your best friend's wedding. Going on a boat is like seeing a dead fish float up to the top of the lake and just wondering what the status is with everything for a while. Going on a boat is like opening a big bag of chips and not having a chip clip or rubber band so you just have to straight up go HAM on that family sized bag of Bugles like a monster. Going on a boat is like seeing a Johnny Depp movie in theaters and getting really excited about the whole pirate phenomenon so you just wear a ton of bracelets and drink rum at the gym for a few weeks before the shine wears off. Going on a boat is like dedicating your time to a worthy cause. Going on a boat is like participating in a protest if the protest was for people being more relaxed and down to earth in general (or should I say down to water? Nah, I should probably just stick with the one that everyone is familiar with so you all understand the reference.) Going on a boat is like trying to work with Chevy Chase on the set if that boat ride had a lot of turbulence (let's hope that is a term that can cross over from a vertical standpoint; the air to the sea). Going on a boat is like using a beach towel for your prayer session. Going on a boat is like literally shooting for the stars. Going on a boat is like going for a swim with the turtles from Finding Nemo. Going on a boat is like chasing a butterfly into a waterfall and getting pummeled by the water momentarily before running for safety and escaping the horrid downpour. Going on a boat is like risking your entire life savings by betting on the New York Jets to win a meaningless regular season game at home in September. Going on a boat is like being the target of a Melissa McCarthy goof in one of her films. Going on a boat is like being a player for the New York Jets.  Going on a boat is like hopping into a time machine like a bad Doritos commercial minus the delicious snack. Going on a boat is like being somewhat tangentially related to the New York Jets franchise, like your friend's uncle was a possession wide receiver for them in the late 80s. Going on a boat is like yelling at the umpire during a charity softball game but not just any kind of trash talk, this is like super personal stuff about this guy, way over the line and completely inappropriate conduct for this kind of family-friendly event or really any public environment or even a private residence. Going on a boat is like vacuuming your mind's shag carpet. Going on a boat is like being a villain in an episode of Scooby Doo and being the most paranoid person in the office until those meddling kids catch on to your side hustle which is actually a pyramid scheme of selling defected blenders. Going on a boat is like giving back to charity if you consider yourself having a good time to be a charity. Going on a boat is like being on the lamb except since you are on the water you would call it being on the seal.

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