Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Frolf

Frolf is like finding a needle that you hucked two hundred feet into a leafy tree. Frolf is like kicking it with a chill chameleon; a chame-Leon whose favorite band is the Kings of Chameleon . Frolf is like going to the movies and mixing Junior Mints in with your popcorn and just going to town. Frolf is like a box of Cracker Jacks that the prize is a gift card to Applebee's. Frolf is like shadow boxing a baby wearing giant sunglasses. Frolf is like tying your shoelaces on the moon. Frolf is like playing hacky sack with the founder of the Bob Marley fan club. Frolf is like donating your time to charity if the charity is for more people walking around the woods searching for lost discs. Frolf is like subscribing to Rolling Stone. Frolf is like being a journalist for Vice. Frolf is Bitcoin for nature. Frolf is a Joey Coco Diaz rant. Frolf is a guest star on 30 Rock. Frolf is like taking a totally wacky improv class taught by Tina Fey and Amy Poehler wearing matching hoodies with pictures of themselves racing furiously in swan pedal boats; the class includes yoga balls, sauna rocks and kale leaves packaged in a neatly designed organic knapsack and you all go out to get a giant slice of pizza after every class while yes anding with the Uber driver and everyone who makes eye contact with you while you are eating a giant slice of pizza with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler on the sidewalk of New York City and trying to act cool, like you didn't win the hotly desired spot in this improv class based on some hypothetical Hollywood Wheel of Fortune style lottery that was devised by me in this very moment. Frolf is like dating Emma Stone and trying to balance her Hollywood fame with your normal life of just being a regular dude and not Jonah Hill or Michael Cera or anyone who starred in Superbad. Frolf is like if Nick Offerman taught you how to build a canoe because if you give a person a canoe built by Nick Offerman they will be super excited for a day and share it as an Instagram story but if Nick Offerman teaches you how to build a canoe you will be the coolest person in your social media friend group for at least the next 18 months. Frolf was created by a bet; like Adam and Eve, except this one is more like Aiden and Eryka, a man and woman were playing catch with a Frisbee near a large forest and a random hippy walked up and was like, "Hey, I bet you can't throw that Frisbee into those woods over there." As he pointed at the large forest with the tip of his thumb. The random hippy was like Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite except that he bet other people that they couldn't do something that seems impossible instead of betting on himself to do something that seems impossible which is why Uncle Rico is a winner and the best tupperware salesperson in the tri-state area while this is just some random hippy that we don't even know the name of. And the woman grabbed the disc from the man's hands and was like, "I bet I can." Then she threw it way too far into the forest and they lost the Frisbee which was their only one so everyone just went home and the random hippy walked away happy because the random hippy always walks away happy even if they are the anti-Uncle Rico. Frolf is Rastafarian Roulette.
Buy Chris's books SPONGE CAKE & WHAT'S IN THE FRIDGE? on Amazon 

1 comment:

  1. A haiku
    The frisbee said "me"
    I threw it left, it went right
    "Freedom" was it's cry

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