Camping

Camping is like AirDropping your contacts to a tree nymph. Camping is like playing chess with mother nature and you always get checkmated. Camping is like praying to a cloud formation that looks like it came from the mind of James Cameron. Camping is like counting crows, the bird not the band. Camping is like betting on the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. Camping is like doing everything you can to not touch a mosquito bite that you got while you were camping. Camping is like trying to get in between an Itchy and Scratchy melee and coming out on the wrong side. Camping is like taking a NASCAR pit stop in the base of a fallen tree. Camping is like Jay Z meeting Beyonce for the first time. Camping is like a controversial Childish Gambino music video except he is wearing a Mexican poncho and Birkenstocks. Camping is like telling someone about your favorite podcast only to find out that they are deaf and hold a grudge against the idea of being entertained anyway. Camping is like a Coldplay song that they recorded while on mushrooms in the Serengeti desert called, "Pack it Out, Bloody Sellouts". Camping is like being the fence that sheep jump over when you are dreaming. Camping is like having a garage sale and only selling Yankee Candles, state road maps and sunglasses neck straps. Camping is like a Johnny Depp accessory, probably bejeweled and containing a deeper meaning that he will be glad to tell you all about. Camping is like getting a new goldfish when your first one dies so your kids think goldfish are immortal and begin worshiping at the alter of their pirate-themed fish tank ornaments. Camping is like opening Christmas presents on Christmas Eve only to find out that you got socks, underwear and a calendar a whole 12 hours earlier than you would have if you followed the rules of Saint Nicholas or Krampus depending on your preference. Camping is like hitting on a mannequin. Camping is like looking in the mirror and seeing Bear Grylls drinking his own urine even though you can clearly see that there is a water fountain like four feet behind him. Camping is like getting a picture with Santa Claus at the mall only to realize that it is July and also you aren't at the mall.

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