A distinct pattern of sunlight peaking in through the shades dances on the dozing face of Larry the Cable Guy as he catches the latest cat nap. Speaking of cats, a small family of house cats miraculously emerges from the undercarriage of his paisley patterned futon. The tour bus is still buzzing from a wild night on the town, one of the countless occasions of such, simply too many for any mere mortal count on their puny ten fingered hands. This time Larry got into a few too many Moscow Mules and ended up losing his favorite copper mug when it was knocked over and out of the window by one of the tour bus's many house cats (or tour bus cats as the gang likes to call them for auxiliary chuckles) (Auxiliary Chuckles is my favorite UCB improv group - everyone on in that group is tied for the lead in assists in the UCB fantasy league...other statistical categories in the UCB fantasy league include spit takes, volume of laugh (measured by the same sound level meter device that the NFL stadiums use to measure the decibel level of the fans so they can say that they were louder than the 12th Man in Seattle and get everyone even more riled up like that uncle who babysits the kids and takes them all out to get smoothies (off the secret menu, of course, because this is your hipster brother, Klayville) from Jamba Juice then he returns them to you and acts all innocent like he doesn't know that he effectively just put the whole crew in a spin cycle, making Klayville the Allen Iverson to your *insert big white power forward here*). Much like the group's affection affliction for Moscow Mules, Ron White holds a personal case of the affection affliction for tequila as he chugs it by the case, in particular his own brand which is called Number Juan Tequila or as Bill Engvall likes to call it, "Ron's funny medicine." So anyway, last night Larry the Cable Guy got into a few too many Moscow Mules and ended up sleeping on the hood of the tour bus with a pillow stuffed with straw but without his favorite blanket, the one with the water color painting of Mike Tyson chomping off Evander Holyfield's ear. Then out of the tour bus comes Ron White, all hopped up on his crazy frat juice and ready to throw down with the best of them...and oh jeez la weez, what a throw down 'twas. You see, a couple of the blue collar boys's biggest fans rolled up to the tour bus, wielding their iPhones like a TMZ camera operator would a camera. The fans seemed to be fair-minded and everything appeared to be all well and dandy with the whole situation...that is, until all H-E-double batons broke loose, mainly in the form of confusion. What had happened was that the fans were recording the situation on their iPhones and Jeff Foxworthy didn't take too kindly to that deed, nosireebob he did not appreciate that kind of exposure to the world through the fans's various social media platforms, going so far as to consider it to be possibly the kind of deed that a redneck or someone of that ilk might pursue. (When these fans refer to getting catfished, they are mostly talking about the act of catching a catfish with their bare hands, or noodling as it is known in only the most select crop circles and not the act of deceiving an individual online about your true identity and getting to be a star on MTV. The name catfish was actually established by a marauding group of American football hooligans when they were fooled into thinking the marine animal was a house cat, in a similar vein to the family of tour bus cats.) All of a sudden, Larry the Cable Guy transmogrified into Larry the Netflix Guy, a younger, more on demand version of himself that has an incredible capacity for going on binges, whether it be drinking Moscow Mules or watching his buddy Ron drink his own brand of tequila, Number Juan Tequila or just simply making some heads roll, particularly those of a couple fans who are a wee to aggressive with their iPhone recording skills. The Netflix Guy came a flyin' out of the tour bus, finger guns a blazin' and ready to rumble. He calmly plucked his fans's iPhones from their firm grasps before even more casually clanking their noggins together which made the familiar sound of two coconuts being clanked together while they were filming their favorite comedy tour group on their iPhones.
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