Musings 7

 1. When you have Cancer and tell someone about it, the only real appropriate response is, “I’m sorry, it must be a very hard time for you.” F**k your stupid, fake, bulls**t cliches, show some compassion and empathy and be a human being. I feel like people want to distance themselves from me because I’m just an reminder that it could happen to them too, unexpectedly, out of nowhere, and it’s scary as f**k. It’s really hard for me right now to not be stressed out and scared and pissed off because I’m tired of this s**t and I just want to relax and not have to worry about my health. I guess the key to happiness is not expecting anything from anyone - lower those expectations, baby. It’s not like I knew how to talk to someone with Cancer before this year. Other than your mind being f****d, the hardest part about getting Cancer is realizing that not everyone really cares because they have problems of their own. I dare you to get Cancer (the worst Truth or Dare challenge of all time) and not believe that the world revolves around you - not because you’re selfish but because it feels like your problems are bigger than other people’s. But ya gotta remember that there will always be someone luckier and better off than you but at the same time there will always be people going through an even tougher time than you and less fortunate than you. I could look at it either of two ways: 1. I’m very unlucky to randomly get Cancer because the odds of getting it at age 27 are pretty astronomical (but it’s gotta happen to someone, right? That’s how statistics work). 2. I’m very lucky that I went to the doctors at the right time and I’m still alive and cautiously optimistic (knock on 🪵) and there are people even younger who have DIED from Cancer - a few days ago I was watching Tommy Boy with my Dad at the hotel in Agoura Hills and I googled Chris Farley and went down a lil rabbit hole - his brother Kevin Farley was in a fictional, “mockumentary”-style boy band called 2gether and one of the dudes in it was named Michael Cuccione. Michael got Hodgkins Lymphoma at age 9 (!) and died a week after his 16th birthday - that’s sad as f**k - that’s way worse than my situation. He was robbed of a childhood at age NINE. So I’m more lucky than Michael Cuccione. Also, Michael established the Michael Cuccione Foundation for Cancer Research so it sounds like he stayed positive and was a heck of a fighter. If you are still alive, you’re luckier than anyone who has died. It doesn’t help to feel sorry for yourself - you just have to breast up and be a f*****g warrior like Michael Cuccione. It could always be better but it could also always be worse - look at the people who have it worse off than you if you ever feel sorry for yourself and be thankful. F**k pity, f**k self-pity. I will never feel sorry for myself - I truly believe the key to unhappiness is feeling sorry for yourself - self-pity is a dangerous trap and a path I will not go down. Nothing will make my feel sorry for myself because I am the only one in control of how I feel - I will not let external circumstances beyond my control determine my state of mind. I’m gonna keep goin and I won’t stop til I drop. I am a f*****g Yoda, b***h.