Photo Album 1: Walks

 

Musings 9

 1. My favorite thing to do in the history of the world is getting up at 5:30, first walking to Starbucks with my Starbucks cup full of milk and ice to get my Starbucks venti iced coffee (no ice, no sweetener, no room) and then continuing to soldier on for a two or two and a half hour walk with my Mom and/or Dad (with a poop pit stop, of course, due to the Starbucks venti iced coffee with no ice, no sweetener and no room - that’s a lot of coffee at that time of morning and you know Starbucks puts more caffeine in there to get ya hooked on that sweet, sweet bean.) I’ve spent the last five months with my Mom and/or Dad non-stop because of my…“situation.” It’s just not as fun going for a morning walk by yourself (like I just got back from an hour ago) as it is to go with your Mom and/or Dad - I wish I could recognize it at the time, while I am walking with them. Sometimes I do, though…sometimes in the middle of our walk I would think to myself, “I’m gonna miss this someday - I love going for this walk this morning.” It’s a gift to be grateful for something while you’re doing it - to truly appreciate the time and place and opportunity to make memories and have fun. I definitely got a bit spoiled getting to hang out with my parents all the time for five months in a row - who gets to do that at 28 years old? Unless you live at home or have a serious medical condition. It just seems weird to me that I would be annoyed at any time by my Mom or Dad in the past five months because now that I’m all by myself once again in California, I really miss them! I should have been more thankful to get to spend that time with them - it was truly a fun time binge-watching a ton of Survivor and going for long walks in Valencia and going out to eat and just hanging out with them in the apartment while listening to podcasts and stretching out on the yoga foam roller. It was also a good distraction, always being with someone else, so I don’t have to think about my upcoming surgery or stress out about health thoughts. I’m staying at the Hilton in Calabasas til I move in to my new apartment in Northridge tomorrow afternoon (super pumped, y’all). I’ve stayed at this specific hotel on two occasions in the past - once in March for two nights with my Mom and Dad, right after I was released from the hospital after my first round of Chemo, and once ten days ago for two nights with my Dad (after we moved out of our Valencia apartment and before I went back to Bothell for my farewell tour with the ol’ house I grew up in - that’s a story for a whole other blog post). Each time I stayed at this place, it has felt like a completely different hotel, based on who I stayed with and the circumstances. This time, by myself, I am very positive and hopeful and optimistic and looking forward to a new adventure in my new apartment and also eagerly awaiting my surgery. I’m excited but also scared and stressed and missing my parents because it’s hard to be all alone with your Cancer brain fog and wild imagination about everything that could happen. Maybe everything could just go right, too - maybe everything could just be alright - you never know - that’s why they play the game. 

Musings 8

 1. Why do the words “slick” and “slippery” both exist when they could just as easily be combined into “slickery”?

2. If Mike Birbiglia lives in Burbank, I wonder if his neighbors call him Mike Burbanklia.

3. If diarrhea is a COVID symptom then everyone who goes to Starbucks has COVID.

4. First the Corona Virus then the Delta Variant - what’s next, the Walmart Willies?

QUOTE: “I choose to not fear Cancer - I will play football again.” - James Conner, Arizona Cardinals Running Back (Diagnosed @ Age 20)

Musings 7

 1. When you have Cancer and tell someone about it, the only real appropriate response is, “I’m sorry, it must be a very hard time for you.” F**k your stupid, fake, bulls**t cliches, show some compassion and empathy and be a human being. I feel like people want to distance themselves from me because I’m just an reminder that it could happen to them too, unexpectedly, out of nowhere, and it’s scary as f**k. It’s really hard for me right now to not be stressed out and scared and pissed off because I’m tired of this s**t and I just want to relax and not have to worry about my health. I guess the key to happiness is not expecting anything from anyone - lower those expectations, baby. It’s not like I knew how to talk to someone with Cancer before this year. Other than your mind being f****d, the hardest part about getting Cancer is realizing that not everyone really cares because they have problems of their own. I dare you to get Cancer (the worst Truth or Dare challenge of all time) and not believe that the world revolves around you - not because you’re selfish but because it feels like your problems are bigger than other people’s. But ya gotta remember that there will always be someone luckier and better off than you but at the same time there will always be people going through an even tougher time than you and less fortunate than you. I could look at it either of two ways: 1. I’m very unlucky to randomly get Cancer because the odds of getting it at age 27 are pretty astronomical (but it’s gotta happen to someone, right? That’s how statistics work). 2. I’m very lucky that I went to the doctors at the right time and I’m still alive and cautiously optimistic (knock on 🪵) and there are people even younger who have DIED from Cancer - a few days ago I was watching Tommy Boy with my Dad at the hotel in Agoura Hills and I googled Chris Farley and went down a lil rabbit hole - his brother Kevin Farley was in a fictional, “mockumentary”-style boy band called 2gether and one of the dudes in it was named Michael Cuccione. Michael got Hodgkins Lymphoma at age 9 (!) and died a week after his 16th birthday - that’s sad as f**k - that’s way worse than my situation. He was robbed of a childhood at age NINE. So I’m more lucky than Michael Cuccione. Also, Michael established the Michael Cuccione Foundation for Cancer Research so it sounds like he stayed positive and was a heck of a fighter. If you are still alive, you’re luckier than anyone who has died. It doesn’t help to feel sorry for yourself - you just have to breast up and be a f*****g warrior like Michael Cuccione. It could always be better but it could also always be worse - look at the people who have it worse off than you if you ever feel sorry for yourself and be thankful. F**k pity, f**k self-pity. I will never feel sorry for myself - I truly believe the key to unhappiness is feeling sorry for yourself - self-pity is a dangerous trap and a path I will not go down. Nothing will make my feel sorry for myself because I am the only one in control of how I feel - I will not let external circumstances beyond my control determine my state of mind. I’m gonna keep goin and I won’t stop til I drop. I am a f*****g Yoda, b***h. 

Musings 6

 1. When you get Cancer, you realize everyone is full of s**t. You also realize that you are one bada** motherf*****. 

2. Just changed hotels from Calabasas to Glendale - I’m calling it a Reverse Kardashian. 

3. Confession: After having Testicular Cancer that spread to my neck, now every time I eat I have some sort of psychological fixation that makes me feel like I’m going to choke and it’s stressing the f**k out of me. I just ate a Dodger Dog and almost Dodger Died (but a Dodger game must be one of the best places to choke on food - there would be hundreds of eager fans lined up to Heimlich the heck outta ya). It sounds like I’m exaggerating but I swear to Jeebus that I’m being true. Also, when I look around and see people joyfully and thoughtlessly eating and talking and laughing and wolfing down food at an alarming rate it just nails home the fact that Cancer has f****d me in the mind real good. I never even once thought that I would choke on food before Cancer but now every time I take a bite, fireworks go off in my head and my brain keeps shouting at me, “You’re gonna die!” It doesn’t sound like a big deal but it’s literally ruining me and stressing me the f**k out cuz what am I gonna do - not eat? I can only have so many smoothies and oatmeal and yogurt and ice cream. But from now on (at least for now, til things hopefully get better) I’m gonna just take super small bites (you can call me Chrissy Small Bites) and not eat hot dogs or steak (I hate steak anyway) or any other chewy, voluminous s**t. Also, I’ll use a fork all the time now - if I had a fanny pack I would stick a fork in it (literally). My new favorite cartoon character is Forky from Toy Story. I f*****g hate this bulls**t. It’s kinda tough being around a crowd of happy, healthy people (of course not everyone there but just in general the crowd is mostly seems happy and healthy) cuz it just makes me feel worse - I was at the hospital for an appointment today and it actually feels more comfortable being around a bunch of sick people cuz it doesn’t make me feel like I’m a Make-A-Wish kid. The main thing is that this eating problem simply drives home the fact that everything has changed in 2021 for me and I’m having trouble coming to terms with the change. And I hate it and my mind is f****d by the stress. Life is so much tougher than it used to be. I can’t f*****g eat a bagel without having a mental breakdown, godd****t. Just got back from the Dodgers game and watching Sportscenter but now I’m going to bed cuz it’s 11:11 and I’m gonna make a wish - I wish for good health and to recover fully so I can live like a f*****g human being again because I’m sick of this s**t. Just had to get this off my chest cuz I haven’t told anyone and it’s EATING me alive…good night. 

Musings 5

 1. I wanna cancel comedians talking about Cancel Culture on podcasts.

2. Shout out to anyone with a creative bone in their body who has never been properly compensated for their “art” - those bastards don’t know what they’re talkin’ about. 

3. When you’re a kid, you think whores are bad people - when you grow up you realize that everyone is a whore and actual whores are the only honest people. 

4. Somebody (maybe even you, my trusty reader) should start a charity - one ounce of Weed per month for Cancer patients - let’s call it Smoke Up For Cancer. 

Musings 4

My podcast ➡️ Chris Arneson Show

 1. When I’m not smoking weed it’s like I’m watching just one NFL game - when I smoke weed it’s like I’m watching NFL Sunday Ticket when they show 8 games on the same screen. 

2. The “best” part about getting Testicular Cancer is getting to live with my parents temporarily in Santa Clarita and go for a walk with my Mom and/or Dad every day and binge a ton of Survivor with them and spend lots of time just hangin’ put together and chillin’ tough. 

3. The only thing money can buy you anymore is Screen Time.

4. The best way to have a short conversation with someone is unrelenting eye contact. 

5. I’m a classic romantic - I enjoy smokin’ weed and daydreaming.

6. No one loves a meaningless stat as much as a baseball announcer. 

7. If you think M. Night’s NEW movie “OLD” is weird, imagine actually being old - “Who put the elderly Snapchat filter on this mirror?”

8. When I’m CEO of this country, Alcohol shall be made illegal and all Alcohol products and sponsorships shall be replaced by Marijuana like the Lord intended. 💨 

Rambling Man #2

I was just thinking about how brief our stint on this planet we call Earth 🌍 really is, even if you live to see triple digits, it’s only a little slice of precious time (as I wrote about in my previous post, Musings 3) - that made me grateful that you are reading this or that anyone is reading this or has ever read what I have wrote or ever listened to my podcast - you’re only gonna get 700,000 or so hours as a conscious human being named *YOUR NAME HERE* (and that’s if you’re lucky enough to live a full, happy, healthy lifetime) so the fact that you’re SPENDING (like how money is spent except hours are more valuable cuz you can’t get em back) a few of your hours from your personal Time Account on my silly creative stuff. Even though my podcast and blog are “free”, it’s still not really free because like I keep saying - Time is currency. It makes me excited to be creative and leave my personal stamp on culture, no matter how minuscule my media footprint may be (maybe it will be bigger in a few years…or a few thousand hours 😉). What does it mean to “waste” time? Is time ever really wasted or does it just slip away sometimes? The only TIME I ever really feel like I wasted time is when I lose my steady state of mind and get a bad attitude about something or feel frustrated or pissed off. Sometimes that makes you feel more alive and young and wild, though, but there are healthier ways to let off some steam. That’s why I love the sauna (it would have been more appropriate if I said I love the “steam” room but just not true - the steam room certainly feels good but if you wanna reallyyyy sweat, the sauna is the way to go. The steam room is good if you have a congested head and you just inhale deeply and get all that steam all up in your nose and clear your head.) The sauna is the healthiest way to decompress - sweating heavily in a controlled environment just feels great - especially when you don’t even have to earn the sweat, although sweat is best when it’s earned. Everyone should have a personal sauna and ice bath - instead of 40 acres and a mule it should have been 40 acres, a mule, a sauna, an ice bath, a foam yoga roller and a blender to make healthy smoothies with lots of chia seeds and cinnamon and peanut butter. Anywhoozles, to summarize - it’s healthy to sweat a lot and drink your delicious, nutritious smoothies and thank you for spending your valuable time with me (in digital spirit, at least) - have a great handful of hours until you go to sleep and wake up fresh, anew and ready to be the peak version of *YOUR NAME HERE* (don’t even get me started on minutes). 

Musings 3

1. Let’s make next year’s Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest interesting by adding a Starving Kids From Africa, Californian Street Schizos and Amazonian Cannibal division (the hot dogs in the Amazonian Cannibal division being “Todd Dogs”, of course, comprised of Todd, the village idiot.

2. The main thing you realize when you don’t smoke weed is how boring everyone is - liven up people!

3. You might have a million dollars but you’ll never have a million hours - 80 years is about 700,000 hours (not as many as you would think) - hours are more important than dollars - as long as you have a few dollars to help you enjoy your hours - or you can put in a few hours to earn a few dollars but remember to enjoy the few hours you DO have cuz you can’t get them back - you can always earn a few bucks but hours are irretrievable so make the most of every day cuz you might only get 30,000 or so days IF you’re lucky (80 years is 29,200 days) - if you looked at each day like a dollar you wouldn’t even have enough days in a lifetime to buy a Tesla - days are expensive and valuable. When you think about it like that, even a 90 year-old is a baby (like how Joe Rogan looks at everyone as the innocent, baby version of themselves) - just the other day a 90 year-old was 28 like myself. Makes me jealous of Benjamin Buttons.