Love Songs for the 50 States

Alabama: "(Love Is) Thicker Than Water"- Andy Gibb
Alaska: "Don't Let Go (Love)"- En Vogue
Arizona: "I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)"- Whitney Houston
Arkansas: "I Think I Love You"- The Partridge Family
California: "Love Song"- Sara Bareilles
Colorado: "We Found Love"- Rihanna featuring Calvin Harris
Connecticut: "Because You Loved Me"- Celine Dion
Delaware: "Lovin' You"- Minnie Riperton
Florida: "This Guy's In Love With You"- Herb Alpert
Georgia: "She Loves You"- The Beatles
Hawaii: "Love Hangover"- Diana Ross
Idaho: "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'"-The Righteous Brothers
Illinois: "To Know Him Is to Love Him"- The Teddy Bears
Indiana: "Love Rollercoaster"- Ohio Players
Iowa: "Dreamlover"- Mariah Carey
Kansas: "Roses Are Red (My Love)"- Bobby Vinton
Kentucky: "Justify My Love"- Madonna
Louisiana: "What's Love Got to Do With It"- Tina Turner
Maine: "I'll Make Love to You"- Boyz II Men
Maryland: "I Will Always Love You"- Whitney Houston
Massachusetts: "Crazy in Love"- Beyoncé featuring Jay-Z
Michigan: "Baby Love"- The Supremes
Minnesota: "I Can't Stop Loving You"- Ray Charles
Mississippi: "Love Story"- Taylor Swift
Missouri: "To Sir With Love"- Lulu Hot
Montana: "Woman in Love"- Barbra Streisand
Nebraska: "Love Is Blue"- Paul Mauriat
Nevada: "That's The Way Love Goes"- Janet Jackson
New Hampshire: "Greatest Love of All"- Whitney Houston
New Jersey: "Love Will Keep Us Together"- Captain and Tennille
New Mexico: "Bleeding Love"- Leona Lewis
New York: "Let Me Love You"- Mario
North Carolina: "Crazy Little Thing Called Love"- Queen
North Dakota: "Part-Time Lover"- Stevie Wonder
Ohio: "I Want to Know What Love Is"- Foreigner
Oklahoma: "I Just Called To Say I Love You"- Stevie Wonder
Oregon: "Endless Love"- Diana Ross & Lionel Richie
Pennsylvania: "Because I Love You (The Postman Song)"- Stevie B
Rhode Island: "The Power of Love"- Celine Dion
South Carolina: "Can't Help Falling in Love"- UB40
South Dakota: "Love Takes Time"- Mariah Carey
Tennessee: "I Knew I Loved You"- Savage Garden
Texas: "Vision of Love"- Mariah Carey
Utah: "I Love You Always Forever"- Donna Lewis
Vermont: "How Deep Is Your Love"- Bee Gees
Virginia: "Best of My Love"- The Emotions
Washington: "Silly Love Songs"- Wings
West Virginia: "It Must Have Been Love"- Roxette
Wisconsin: "My Love"- Paul McCartney and Wings
Wyoming: "The Power of Love"- Huey Lewis & the News

The 10 Best Will Smith Characters

10. Nicky (Focus) - This movie looks more like a 90 minute LensCrafters advertisement than a feature length film with one of Hollywood's biggest movie stars and the Wolf of Wall Street's decorative centerpiece.
9. Howard (Collateral Beauty) - Smith plays a man going through tragedy who writes letters to Love, Time, Death and Wells Fargo.
8. Deadshot (Suicide Squad) - Smith really stretches his acting chops as a cool, goofy dad.
7. Robert Neville (I Am Legend) - The scene when Smith gets into an intense conversation with a store full of mannequins is a recipe for goosebumps. Also his dog- dawwwwww!
6. Dr. Bennet Omalu (Concussion) - Tell the truth!
5. Hitch (Hitch) - Smith portrays a Manhattan matchmaker who tries to court gossip columnist Eva Mendes while setting up Kevin James on a date. This is either a terribly elitist mad-lib or a romantic comedy that netted $300 million worldwide. Luckily for the director this movie came just prior to the internet dating craze; if not James' character would have been holed up in his apartment eating microwavable burritos and watching reruns of Mets games while surfing Tinder instead of hooking up with a date doctor like Smith. If Smith is such a player, how come he can't win over Mendes? The plot of this flick is so thick it makes me sick. 
4. Bagger Vance (The Legend of Bagger Vance) - This sounds like the worst arcade game ever. Smith plays a mystical caddy which I went as for Halloween in fourth grade. Legend from the set of Bagger Vance has it that "Mystical Caddy" is also what Smith calls his junk.
3. Mike Lowrey (Bad Boys, Bad Boys II) - I would like to see a movie where Will Smith and Martin Lawrence's characters from Bad Boys try to catch Denzel and Mark Wahlberg's characters from 2 Guns.
2. Jay (Men in Black, Men in Black II, Men in Black 3) - Smith and Tommy Lee Jones were ahead of the alien, apocalyptic Hollywood curve with the start of this franchise in 1997. 
1. Will Smith (The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air) - The best role of Will Smith's career is Will Smith. The Fresh Prince inspired an entire generation with five words: "Now this is the story..." The show bridged cultural and class gaps, touched on controversial topics and brought one of the most talented actors of our time into the spotlight. Also Snapback hats, neon shirts, overalls with one strap undone, bright blazers, argyle socks, crop tops, short shorts...The Fresh Prince's style has been usurped by hipsters.

The Legend of J.R. Smith

Can you believe we finally made it to the NBA Finals?

It’s Cavs-Warriors Chapter Three: Revenge of J.R. Smith. 

​No, seriously; although he has been quiet in these playoffs J.R. Smith was “money”, as Vince Vaughn from “Swingers” would say, in the 2016 NBA Finals against Golden State.

He dropped 20 points in game three, 14 in game six and 12 in a decisive game seven in which he spent 39 minutes on the floor. More importantly the Cavaliers won each of those games as well as game five at the Oracle to make J.R. Smith the unlikeliest NBA champion in the history of the sport. 

Last year’s NBA Finals showed how well the Cavs playwhen their farfetched hero is casting threes like a Hollywood director gone mad with power. J.R. Smith is lightning in a bottle of Tabasco. J.R. Smith plays basketball like Tom Cruise acts; with reckless abandon and no regard for mankind. 

Remember after game seven when Smith’s daughter infamously threw shade on her father’s parade of navy blue and gold confetti?

“I’m just proud of him because he made the championship without getting kicked off the team.” Smith’s daughter, Demi, said to reporters during the celebration. 

God bless J.R. Smith; he has had a tough road. 

In June of 2007 he was in a car accident in which he was ejected from his vehicle. Andre Bell, a passenger of Smith’s who was also dislodged from the car in the crash, died a couple days later from head injuries. While the toll of this accident is infinitely worse for the Bell family, it also must weigh heavily on Smith’s psyche. 

Smith is in the news again as his daughter, Dakota, was finally released from the hospital after being born five months premature in January. 

​He has had a long journey to the peak since coming into the league straight from high school in 2004 that includes battles with coaches, countless DNP’s and a short stint in China during the 2011 NBA lockout. 

You already know all the household names from the Finals; Lebron, Steph, Kyrie, Durant, Love and Klay. There is nothing more I can write about any of these mononymous superstars that will change your opinion; that is why you recognize who I am referring to with a single name. Their identities are already ingrained into your basketball brain like Bird-Magic or M.J.’s winner in game six against Utah. 

Lebron will dominate the game in all facets, Steph will bomb threes and unleash joyful triumphs as he bounds down the court and Kyrie will be “The Layup King”. Durant will be the best pure scorer on the court, Love will grab boards and stand in the corner waiting to shoot and Klay will get hot one game and drop twenty five in the third quarter.  

Get to know J.R. Smith.

​Golden State’s squad remembers him from last year’s June matchup. He rained threes on their defense like a soggy spring day in the Pacific Northwest. 

​Sure Smith has been quiet in the 2017 NBA playoffs but I see him as more of a firework who is bound to explode as soon as that fuse dissipates. 

​Remember Ang Lee’s 2000 martial arts film “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”? J.R. Smith is about to roundhouse kick the Golden State Warriors back home. 

​I got Cleveland in seven with Lebron winning the Finals MVP. I love J.R. Smith but c’mon; I’m not that crazy. 

​

A Haiku about Wayne Gretzky

The Great One is fourth
In grade eight he drank gallons
Of maple syrup

The Lost Files Vol. 5: NBA Draft Awards

​With the NBA draft approaching in less than two months its time to hand out some made up awards to this year’s topprospects.

​Markelle Fultz, the freshman phenom guard from the University of Washington, is projected by most media outlets to go as the number one pick in the draft that is being held Thursday June 22. But what about some of the lesser known prospects who do not receive as much attention from the First Takes of the world? 

​The first award, “Tragic Johnson”, will be given to freshman North Carolina State guard Dennis Smith. Although the 6 foot 2 Smith averaged 18 points and 6 assists per game in his only season with the Wolfpack, he led them to a sub .500 record and their coach was fired midseason. In return his draft stock fell from as high as number two in some early mock drafts to as far as nine in some currently.

​The “Pinocchio” Award goes to T.J. Leaf, the boyish looking 6 foot 10 freshman forward from UCLA. After being essentially off the draft board and “Lunardi radar” before the start of the season, Leaf skyrocketed to the mid first round in most mocks. The freshman from UCLA who turns 20 on Sunday will be able to claim he is “a real man” after he is paid first rounder money in June. 

​The “Dark horse” Award goes to half of Kentucky’s freshmen first round-bound backcourt, the lanky 6 foot 3 Malik Monk. The 19 year old Arkansan, whose counterpart De’AaronFox is anticipated by most experts to be selected higher, is more of a pure scorer who will be able to get buckets easier in the NBA. Monk dropped 47 points including the game clinching three in a December victory against the eventual national champion North Carolina Tar Heels. 

​Speaking of the Carolina blue their 6 foot 8, 22 year old stretch four Justin Jackson earns the award for “Wiliest veteran”. Jackson earned the real award for ACC player of the year this season as he averaged 18 points and shot 37% from the three point stripe. Although he is a couple years older than most first round prospects, his knack for scoring and length may turn him into the wiliest veteran in the NBA in the next decade.

​Last but certainly not least the award for “Most pervasive father” goes to the freshman UCLA guard Lonzo Ball whose father Lavar has surpassed him in popularity in recent months. Anyone who has ever tuned into ESPN or any sports related television has heard this name countless times, mostly in discussions not even related to basketball. Lavar, the former Washington State Cougar, has figured out a way to wrangle the spotlight away from his son as if he is the one who is projected to go as a top three pick in this year’s draft.

​Those were just a few of the hypothetical awards I gave out for this year’s NBA draft in June. For the complete award ceremony tune in to the post game show after the draft which will be hosted by L.L. Cool Jeff Probst. 

​

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The Lost Files Vol. 4: Around the Horn Internship

My name is Chris Arneson and I am a 20 year old junior at Washington State University in Pullman, Washington. While you might not be familiar with Wazzu, our biggest claim to fame is producing NFL Hall of Fame quarterback and all around class act, Ryan Leaf. Wazzu is also known for cheese and the rolling hills that surround the campus known as the Palouse. I am the man for this job because I know sports and the show’s history better than anyone. I have been watching/listening to ATHreligiously since I was in junior high, making it the longest relationship of my adolescence.  

1. With my incarnation of NBA commissioner Adam Silver, I would use this team to immediately relocate an NBA franchise to Seattle. The Supersonics were an integral part of the city for more than 40 years. I have fond memories of driving across the 520 floating bridge (before it was tolled) to Key Arena with my Dad to watch “The Glove” Gary Payton, Ray Allen, RashardLewis and company. Sure the Bucks and Kings were justbought, blocking a possible move to Seattle. While an expansion team is not recommended as it would further dilute the league’s talent pool, cities like Atlanta, Orlando, and Charlotte perennially have low attendance figures. In the end, I would relocate the Charlotte Bobcats/Hornets to Seattle as they do not have a long history in the city and have not been supported particularly well. And once MJ sees the golf courses out here, relocating this team will be like shooting fish in a barrel. 

2. If Derek Jeter’s Retirement Tour passed through Pullman, I would give him a one year membership at hot yoga. I know he has trouble meeting women, I figured it’s a nice gesture.

Here is a list of Around the Horn Gift Store ideas: 

• Woody Paige Wheel of Fortune – Spin for crazy fun options like: Hear a recording of Woody Paige singing Tennessee’s “Rocky Top” and recite as many games from last year’s NFL schedule as you can!

• J.A. Adande Lounge Guest List – Imagine what it would be like to rub elbows with stars like Craig Kilborn, Matthew Perry, Arsenio Hall, and James Van Der Beek. 

• Bomani Jones Pinky Ring Cam – Attach this tiny camera to your pinky ring to catch vital in-action moments!

• Tim Cowlishaw Travel Guide to Nascar Destinations such as Darlington and Talladega – Don’t miss the Bristol County Fair – home of the biggest ferris wheel in Tennessee! 

• Bill Plaschke Magic 8 Ball Head – Rub it for good luck! 

• Pat Summitt poster signed by Jackie MacMullan – Comes with Paul Pierce keychain from his Celtic years!

• Bob Ryan Life Guide – A book of everything you need to know in life from Boston Celtics 1960s anecdotes to Boston Red Sox 2000s anecdotes. 

• Michael Smith Numbers Never Lie Picture Book – See if these digits are irrational or are they real? Either way, this is “prime” reading!

• Pablo Torre Tips on Living Youthfully – His secret: he juices everything. 

• Izzy Gutierrez Tommy Bahamas Style Shirt – Look stylish yet casual everywhere from Heat games to the beach to the club.

The Lost Files Vol. 3: J.A. Adande & Woody Paige

A Day in the Life: J.A. Adande

7:17 am: Wakes up to Boyz II Men alarm clock

7:22 am: Tries to decide if he should wear his Kobe #8 jersey or his Kobe #24 jersey

8:24 am: Plays golf with Ryan Philipe, Tim Meadows, and Alex Trebek

10:10 am: Facetimes with Gunther from Friends

12:35 pm: Goes for a barefoot run on the beach while listening to NPR 

12:44 pm: Snapchats Robert Siegel  while eating quinoa

1:11 pm: Periscopes how to make a paper mache crane

2:23 pm: Plays online poker with the cast of The Real World: Seattle

8:12 pm: Ridiculed by Coach Pop in end of quarter interview

8:49 pm: Watches "Love" on Netflix at halftime, tweets Judd Apatow about being in season 2

A Day in the Life : Woody Paige

4:58 am: Wakes up in cold sweat, startled and confused in Peyton Manning casual pajamas and Denver Nuggets high top slippers

5:01 am: Jots down chalkboard quote ideas 

5:05 am: Admires his column in that day's Denver Post, ignoring the rest of the newspaper

5:11 am: Does yoga as he stares at nature and drinks smoothie of kale, strawberries, and fleece 

5:28 am: Walks dog around block, lets him poop on Brock Osweiler's front yard and doesn't pick it up 

6:04 am: Falls asleep in bathtub as he listens to John Cougar Mellencamp, reflects on "good ol' days" 

6:48 am: Wakes up in bathtub, startled and confused 

7:06 am: Tries to decide which Hawaiian shirt to wear

7:14 am: Settles on a t shirt with a tuxedo on it after he can't pick a Hawaiian shirt

7:21 am: Applies gel to hair to make it look like he just got out of bed

7:27 am: Drives to work, has massive road rage 

7:35 am: Looks to the heavens in despair, curses God 

7:44 am: Mood changes when John Cougar Mellencamp song comes on the radio, is reminded of "good ol' days"

8:01 am: Storms into Denver Post, takes sip of freshly brewed coffee and spits it out 

8:13 am: Goes to meeting to discuss which chalkboard quote he will be using for the day

8:24 am: Calls Peyton Manning's agent, tries to schedule golf outing

8:42 am: Eats biscuit, curses out intern for not knowing who John Cougar Mellencamp is

9:13 am: Watches Back to the Future, studies Doc Brown's hair, takes notes on how to imitate 

10:08 am: Looks at the schedule

10:57 am: Does calve raises as he stares at portrait of John Elway in his office 

11:14 am: Makes periscope video in which he discusses his favorite local driving ranges

12:02 pm: Goes to local barbecue joint for lunch

12:24 pm: Falls off mechanical bull, is reminded of youth

12:32pm: Asks for kale smoothie at barbecue restaurant

12:33pm: Settles on lamb chop, coleslaw smoothie

12:57 pm: Drives back to work, blasts "Hurts So Good"

1:11 pm: Films Around the Horn

1:12 pm: Muted by Tony Reali

1:39 pm: Wins, does face time about local weathermen racquetball league

1:52 pm: Celebrates win by Tebow-ing

2:26 pm: Checks the schedule again

2:55 pm: Goes to gym, plays a couple intense games of old man YMCA ball

3:40 pm: Plays racquetball against local weatherman

4:22 pm: Swings by Peyton Manning's house because he was in the neighborhood 

4:27 pm: Makes fun of Eli with Peyton

5:14 pm: Arrives early for Denver Nuggets game, asks players if they want to play horse

5:29 pm: Falls asleep watching Denver Nuggets warm up

6:11 pm: Wakes up wearing giant foam finger and beer helmet

6:46 pm: Finds buffet for media members, complains about lack of kale

7:19 pm: Watches Nuggets game, draws pictures of Peyton Manning throwing passes to him 

9:07 pm: Nuggets lose, scrambles to write a headline for tomorrow's story

9:18 pm: Settles on "Nugget of Hope"

9:55 pm: Goes to bed 

9:56 pm: John Cougar Mellencamp